MyPuzzlePeace: Piecing It Together

From the Inside In

Archive for the tag “Unmask the Male Mind”

Attention: How Does a Man Deal with Conlict?

Men have the most interesting way of dealing with conflicts in relationships. They DON’T!!! They IGNORE IT!!!

Men are very peculiar. Why do men think that if they don’t talk about a problem, it will go away? I’ve always realized this, but I guess I figured with age it would diminish. I should’ve known better; I was delusional. Sorry dad, but you do it too. I even noticed that my grandpa did it. One day, many years ago, my grandma was pestering my grandpa and was on a rant about something. My grandpa literally acted like he didn’t hear that she was speaking to him, he didn’t flinch to point it made me wonder if he could hear at all. I was ready to bring up hearing aids, lol. After my grandma was done yelling, he gave me a secret smile and waved his hand and her. She was gone and he was back in peace to finish watching Matlock, lmao. I guess if he engaged in the conversation, it would’ve went on and on and he would’ve missed his show. There was no DVR then.

Well, fellas let me tell you something… It’s annoying!!! Women HATE to be ignored. LISTEN. ENGAGE. Let’s talk this out. Once we TALK about it, we can move forward and have some take aways. If you ignore it, it will just come up again AND then we have to talk about it again! It truly is a vicious cycle that can be broken if you STOP the silence. It can’t just be me who feels this way? Talking is GOOD!!

I swear I wonder how men have survived this long. Just floating through life avoiding deep discussions. How does that work? There must be a part of a man’s brain that differs from a woman’s brain that makes men incapable of communicating with a woman about feelings and relationships. It’s funny they lack the focus to discuss issues, but when it comes down to sports they know the players, the numbers, the stats. They can damn near write a biography and make an impromptu presentation about their favorite player that will range from the players childhood to present endorsements. Why is it that when their significant other wants to discuss an issue or two that their vocabulary is suddenly limited? Limited to a moan and maybe the words, “here we go.” WTF.

So the other night before bed I was having a discussion with my boyfriend, not an argument, but a discussion over text. All of a sudden he was MIA and no longer responding. When we spoke the next day on the phone, I asked why he stopped responding. His response, “I didn’t want to deal with it.” SMH. Just that easy huh? I felt like we could’ve wrapped up our discussion, but instead I had to get annoyed because I was being ignored. I guess women are the only ones who need closure.

This not dealing with things makes me think of a guy that I met at a party last year. One day after our plans got messed and I was upset, rightfully so, I never heard from him again. We were talking about it and then it just stopped. He didn’t want to deal with it. He probably thought I was angrier than I was. He, quite frankly, couldn’t have liked me that much because his actions were inconsiderate. My point here, if he had finished our discussion and moved forward I wouldn’t think he was an inconsiderate asshole, but instead a man that I met and it didn’t work out.

Men, I get that you don’t want to miss Matlock or whatever your show is. I get it. Life moves on, in your mind, faster if you just ignore the situation. IT DOESN’T! While you have moved on and completed your show, we’re angry. Do you really want your woman angry?

Well, I didn’t bring it up again. So I guess he won this one. Or did he? Yeah he may have stopped engaging, but he still had to listen. Hopefully something was absorbed to avoid the situation from coming up again.

Welp that’s my rant. Men, knock it off.

 

NAO

Intro Phrases that Scare Men

I always knew that men didn’t really like to talk, but I didn’t realize that certain phrases cripple them. I mean really leave them stressed and thinking the world is going to come to an end. Come on guys, man up. Talking doesn’t always mean there’s something wrong, it just means we want to talk. Communication is key. Here are a few phrases that apparently one should never use when initiating a conversation with the boyfriend.

The ever so popular, we need to talk – I have been given several lectures on this. DO NOT say these words! My boyfriend told that if I said those words to him that he’d probably avoid me for a few days. I laughed until I couldn’t laugh anymore. I guess it’s like waiting for the impending doom! I consulted FB, the source of all knowledge, and yep I should never say those words. I have been schooled on the problem. The problem is, why do you NEED to talk? Why not just talk? Uhm I don’t know, maybe I can’t talk right NOW and I’m letting you know that later we’re going to talk. Maybe it’s all in the approach.

I’ve been thinking – Apparently another hated phrase. Now men don’t want women to think? Do men think that if women have enough time to think that we will realize that they are not the greatest thing since the smart phone? Do men think that women will start to consider, hhmm I can do better? Why do men always think the worse? Maybe what comes after, I’ve been thinking, is that we should take a romantic cruise. Have they ever considered that?

So listen – My friend said that he hates to hear these words. His thoughts are… Why do you have to say, listen? I am listening. Are you? Maybe she is telling you to listen because you usually don’t. Maybe you are usually distracted and that is why she needs to emphasize, listen. Maybe she wants to make sure you’re focused. Sounds to me like she is really trying to help you out! Lol

Let’s talk – similar to we need to talk minus the need. The last time that I said let’s talk. My boyfriend said, we are talking. Yes, we were in fact talking, but I didn’t want to talk about talking. I wanted to talk about stuff. Nothing in particular, just stuff. What have I learned? No introductory phrases; I need to just start talking. Oh and don’t start a conversation of with so. Soooo…. That’s just as bad, especially if you let your eyes wander off into the distance lmao.

These might go both ways and not be gender specific, but somehow I doubt it. You know, I just had a thought. Maybe men hate, we need to talk, because they know they’ve been lacking or slacking and now it’s finally going to be brought to their attention. I bet that is what the underlying issue is. I’m a genius, I know. 🙂

 

NAO

No More Dating Games!

Hi everyone! I hope all is well. I think I lost 10lbs, but I could’ve possibly gained 10lbs, or maybe my weight didn’t move at all and my scale is just broken!! Who knows! My scale reads something different every time I get on and I just take the best number as accurate lol!

So the other day I was talking to my male friend Dew Dew, gotta love the nick names lol… Wait let me rewind and come back to this.

So as those you who have been following my blog know, this year I have been actively dating after a two year hiatus and the end of a four year relationship. It’s been fun and aggravating all at the same time. Since I haven’t dated in years, I’ve been reading several books, blogs, and articles on dating to get filled in on the new new.

Rewind a bit more…

I went to a singles retreat last year hosted by a church. The pastor mentioned that he did not like Steve Harvey’s book. He felt like the book was teaching people how to play a game and relationships should not be viewed as a game… I don’t remember what else he said and I didn’t necessarily agree with what he said… He lost me somewhere along the way when he shared the 10 rules of dating. I’ll tell you briefly. 1. No sex 2. No Sex 3. No Sex 4. No Sex 5. No Sex 6. No Sex 7. No Sex 8. No sex 9. No Sex 10. No Sex. So there you go!!! Now, I’m not suggesting that you should have sex, but…

Fast forward…

I have been reading “Unmask the Male Mind” by Alexandra Fox. This is a book that I’ve mentioned before, she suggests women to implement the rotation system when dating. The book has a section about what men are supposed to do and what women are supposed to do. Fox says, until a relationship has been established that women should never call men. She said when she was dating, to avoid calling a man she would actually delete his number from her phone and call log as well as delete any text. She figured if he was interested in talking to her that he would call.

This brings us to present. I asked my friend Dew Dew if it’s ok to call a man you’re interested in. His response, “if you want to talk to him just call.” He thinks you shouldn’t be obsessive and stalkerish, but if you want to talk, just call.

Then it hit me!! This is what the pastor was talking about. Why do we play all these silly little games? What is wrong with calling? The phone works both ways! If I’m thinking about a man that I’m interested in during the day, what’s the issue with sending a message just to say, “I hope you are having a good day”? Any man that runs because he crossed my mind, is not worth my time!!

And another thing!! I don’t want to put men on rotation!! I want to date one man at the time and if that doesn’t work out, move on to the next one. I’m pretty charming. As of March 8, Check In has viewed my profile 26 times!!! I’ve never even met him. So can you imagine if I graced him with my presence?!?!? I’d never be able to shake him!! Lol, I’m being silly, but it’s just not me. I get attached, he gets attached and now I have to break someone’s heart. No Bueno!!

So thank you Dew Dew for helping me reach this epiphany. From now on, I’m going to do what I want and what I think feels right for ME. If it works, it works. If it doesn’t, better luck next time!

NAO

Implement the Rotation System?!

elevate-flirting-ecard-someecards

Hey everyone, I hope you have been enjoying your week. My computer was out of commission for the past few days, but now I’m back!

What have you missed?

A friend and I had a mutual connection with online dating, hahahaha, the pool is too small. It’s all good though, the guy and I never went out or anything.

Another friend had the dilemma of, do you tell a friend what you know…

I had a breakthrough. I proved, unscientifically, a theory that I have about men who pose topless and with cars, but I’ll share that another time.

And now… I have been told that I should think of dating like shopping; men are shirts. You walk around the store and you pick up several shirts, try on a few shirts, put some back, try on some more, and may even leave with a few. So what happens to the two or three shirts you have decided to take home? You wear them. Now what? You don’t really like the shirt as much as you thought and you take it back. What if you do like the shirt? Or kinda like the shirt? What if you like both shirts? Now you’ve got two shirts! You can only wear one shirt at the time! Isn’t it bad to take a shirt back once you’ve worn it, although the tags may still be on? This is so complex to me!

I like to wear one shirt at the time and when I know longer have a use for the shirt or no longer like the shirt, I stop wearing it and move on to another shirt. Guess I’m just weird.

I started reading “Unmask the Male Mind” by Alexandra Fox. The book provides 77 secrets to unmask the male psychology.  Secret 9 (men look away) is that women should implement the “Rotation System.” Women should date three men at a time until the one you are really interested in asks to be exclusive. The author states that the rotation system is how she met the man of her dreams. She suggests, that this system will prevent you from being needy and make a man work harder to have you all to himself. Hhhmm I suppose.

Not sure if I can do this. I worry someone, probably me, will end up getting hurt. The book said, women shouldn’t worry about hurting men because they are used to rejection; just be direct and honest. Damn my kind heart always thinking about other people’s feelings. I had a friend tell me, I really shouldn’t be so concerned because a man probably wouldn’t care anyway… especially if we aren’t exclusive. Sigh!! It’s been a few months and I’m already worn out from dating. To bad my culture doesn’t do arranged marriages; I’d sign up!!

Ladies check out the book, it is definitely an interesting read.

 

NAO

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