MyPuzzlePeace: Piecing It Together

From the Inside In

Archive for the tag “Men”

Attention: How Does a Man Deal with Conlict?

Men have the most interesting way of dealing with conflicts in relationships. They DON’T!!! They IGNORE IT!!!

Men are very peculiar. Why do men think that if they don’t talk about a problem, it will go away? I’ve always realized this, but I guess I figured with age it would diminish. I should’ve known better; I was delusional. Sorry dad, but you do it too. I even noticed that my grandpa did it. One day, many years ago, my grandma was pestering my grandpa and was on a rant about something. My grandpa literally acted like he didn’t hear that she was speaking to him, he didn’t flinch to point it made me wonder if he could hear at all. I was ready to bring up hearing aids, lol. After my grandma was done yelling, he gave me a secret smile and waved his hand and her. She was gone and he was back in peace to finish watching Matlock, lmao. I guess if he engaged in the conversation, it would’ve went on and on and he would’ve missed his show. There was no DVR then.

Well, fellas let me tell you something… It’s annoying!!! Women HATE to be ignored. LISTEN. ENGAGE. Let’s talk this out. Once we TALK about it, we can move forward and have some take aways. If you ignore it, it will just come up again AND then we have to talk about it again! It truly is a vicious cycle that can be broken if you STOP the silence. It can’t just be me who feels this way? Talking is GOOD!!

I swear I wonder how men have survived this long. Just floating through life avoiding deep discussions. How does that work? There must be a part of a man’s brain that differs from a woman’s brain that makes men incapable of communicating with a woman about feelings and relationships. It’s funny they lack the focus to discuss issues, but when it comes down to sports they know the players, the numbers, the stats. They can damn near write a biography and make an impromptu presentation about their favorite player that will range from the players childhood to present endorsements. Why is it that when their significant other wants to discuss an issue or two that their vocabulary is suddenly limited? Limited to a moan and maybe the words, “here we go.” WTF.

So the other night before bed I was having a discussion with my boyfriend, not an argument, but a discussion over text. All of a sudden he was MIA and no longer responding. When we spoke the next day on the phone, I asked why he stopped responding. His response, “I didn’t want to deal with it.” SMH. Just that easy huh? I felt like we could’ve wrapped up our discussion, but instead I had to get annoyed because I was being ignored. I guess women are the only ones who need closure.

This not dealing with things makes me think of a guy that I met at a party last year. One day after our plans got messed and I was upset, rightfully so, I never heard from him again. We were talking about it and then it just stopped. He didn’t want to deal with it. He probably thought I was angrier than I was. He, quite frankly, couldn’t have liked me that much because his actions were inconsiderate. My point here, if he had finished our discussion and moved forward I wouldn’t think he was an inconsiderate asshole, but instead a man that I met and it didn’t work out.

Men, I get that you don’t want to miss Matlock or whatever your show is. I get it. Life moves on, in your mind, faster if you just ignore the situation. IT DOESN’T! While you have moved on and completed your show, we’re angry. Do you really want your woman angry?

Well, I didn’t bring it up again. So I guess he won this one. Or did he? Yeah he may have stopped engaging, but he still had to listen. Hopefully something was absorbed to avoid the situation from coming up again.

Welp that’s my rant. Men, knock it off.



Five Phases of a Relationship

Hi, long time no write 🙂

I have been in a relationship for about four months now after a three year hiatus. I’ve been going on dates for so long that it’s weird to be in a relationship; it’s not quite the same vibe. When you’re being wooed (Do people still use that word?) you get a lot of attention, get taken out every weekend, and they say all the right things. It’s great!! It took me a minute to remember that doesn’t last forever. I guess I’m a bit of a brat, but whatever, that’s not the point I’m trying to make here. After two dates or so, I generally never saw the person. It made me forget about the various phases that people go through when in a relationship. Once someone got on my nerves, my friends would hear, “uuughhh girl I dunnoooo” and sure enough it was over. So now that I am in a relationship and like the man that I am seeing, I need to reinforce my nerves lmao. It’s not all about me, it’s mostly about me, but not ALL about me hehehe just kidding, sorta 😉

1. In the first phase you meet a man’s representative. He’s on his best behavior and says all of the right things to make you giggle like a teenager. You go out all the time to the point you feel like a tourist in your own town because you’re doing so many different things. Yes, he is probably breaking his bank account, but it’s an investment. Right? Right. I think so. Everything is great and you see everything through rose colored glasses. You have officially met the greatest man in the WORLD!! Ladies eat your heart out, he’s taken! You can see myself falling in love with this one. Until, you move into the next phase. I’d say phase one lasts about 3 months, give or take dependent upon how much time you two spend together. When you start to spend more time indoors than outdoors then you know you moved into the next phase of your relationship.

2. In the second phase of the relationship, the representative starts to disappear. You both start to lower your guards and reveal your insecurities and issues that probably would’ve scared the other off if revealed in the first month. You go out less, but still hang out often. The sweet words may be less frequent and he may be brutally honest and tell you that your hair looks a mess, but know that it’s with love. All of the jokes that you thought were sooo hilarious, you now and probably really never did, get. But he is still awesome and you are happy to be together because he brings a smile to your face, hopefully. This phase can last anywhere from the 3rd month of your relationship to your one year anniversary.

3. It starts to get real in this phase. No more holding in the farts or not taking a poop at his place, hey they are both natural body functions. No more waking up early to hide the morning breath. He is now seeing that, unlike Beyoncé, you do not wake up like “this.” It takes work and effort and since we aren’t going anywhere, I’m not putting in the effort to get all fine. You are both comfortable and may be settling into a rut, although I hope not. This phase doesn’t really end, it kind of transitions into the next and is ongoing.

4. In phase four, you might start to get the itch. Do you really like this man? Can you really see yourself with this person for the long haul? Yes, you’ve invested some time, but probably not so much time that you can’t move on to someone else. The jokes are no longer funny, his snoring keeps you up at night, and his farts make you wonder if he has a gastrointestinal problem. If you’re not in love already, you may have to decide to call it quits. On the flip, you may fall in more in love with your man which leads in the next phase.

5. The last phase is when women, especially those who want to get married and have kids, ask “Where is this going?” You’ve gotten this far; you must be in love. You might still like his jokes or just laugh to make him feel good about himself. You probably realize that you’re not getting any younger and don’t have time to waste. You’re ovaries are starting to hurt and your clock is ticking so loud it vibrates in your ears. So you want to know, what’s the next step? Exchange keys? Move in together? Get engaged? A relationship needs to progress and move forward.

Sometimes two, three, and four can occur simultaneously.

I am currently in phase 2. My boyfriend and I are learning each other and it is interesting. I feel like I am experiencing some growing pains, but no rule breakers… thank goodness. I have learned that it is important for me to remember that he and I are a new couple and I can’t expect him to know everything about me or be able to read my mind. Sometimes, I feel like I don’t quite understand him, but that’s ok because if we work in time I will. I’m also learning that when in a relationship a man will sometimes do things that I don’t like and that will annoy me, but I also have to remember when he does sweet things too. I will remember when he sent me a bouquet for Valentine’s Day and when he sized my new air filter because the manufacturer of mine made the air filter in a size that you can’t buy from anyone other than them. Those are the moments when I feel, aawwweee he really likes me.


Intro Phrases that Scare Men

I always knew that men didn’t really like to talk, but I didn’t realize that certain phrases cripple them. I mean really leave them stressed and thinking the world is going to come to an end. Come on guys, man up. Talking doesn’t always mean there’s something wrong, it just means we want to talk. Communication is key. Here are a few phrases that apparently one should never use when initiating a conversation with the boyfriend.

The ever so popular, we need to talk – I have been given several lectures on this. DO NOT say these words! My boyfriend told that if I said those words to him that he’d probably avoid me for a few days. I laughed until I couldn’t laugh anymore. I guess it’s like waiting for the impending doom! I consulted FB, the source of all knowledge, and yep I should never say those words. I have been schooled on the problem. The problem is, why do you NEED to talk? Why not just talk? Uhm I don’t know, maybe I can’t talk right NOW and I’m letting you know that later we’re going to talk. Maybe it’s all in the approach.

I’ve been thinking – Apparently another hated phrase. Now men don’t want women to think? Do men think that if women have enough time to think that we will realize that they are not the greatest thing since the smart phone? Do men think that women will start to consider, hhmm I can do better? Why do men always think the worse? Maybe what comes after, I’ve been thinking, is that we should take a romantic cruise. Have they ever considered that?

So listen – My friend said that he hates to hear these words. His thoughts are… Why do you have to say, listen? I am listening. Are you? Maybe she is telling you to listen because you usually don’t. Maybe you are usually distracted and that is why she needs to emphasize, listen. Maybe she wants to make sure you’re focused. Sounds to me like she is really trying to help you out! Lol

Let’s talk – similar to we need to talk minus the need. The last time that I said let’s talk. My boyfriend said, we are talking. Yes, we were in fact talking, but I didn’t want to talk about talking. I wanted to talk about stuff. Nothing in particular, just stuff. What have I learned? No introductory phrases; I need to just start talking. Oh and don’t start a conversation of with so. Soooo…. That’s just as bad, especially if you let your eyes wander off into the distance lmao.

These might go both ways and not be gender specific, but somehow I doubt it. You know, I just had a thought. Maybe men hate, we need to talk, because they know they’ve been lacking or slacking and now it’s finally going to be brought to their attention. I bet that is what the underlying issue is. I’m a genius, I know. 🙂



Question for a First Date?

I went to dinner a few weeks ago with my friends and the topic of discussion was: Questions to ask a man. Not any man, but a man that you are interested in dating. What better way to get to know someone than to interrogate them lol.

Most of the questions were regular…

ARE you married? Have you ever been married? Do you have any kids? What do you do for a living? You know the usual… There was only one question that really stood out and had to be discussed.

Have you ever been with a man?  Sexually? My friend asked a man this question on their first date and his response was, “What do you mean by that?” WRONG ANSWER! So that was the last date. I went on a first date a few weeks ago and I asked him too. His response was, “What? No! What kind of question was that?” His response was so funny. I’m actually laughing right now thinking about it.  I was going to ask him with drink in his mouth, but I figured that would just be mean. I actually asked a male friend this question today, the expression on his face was priceless. It was just blank, like, no you didn’t.

When is an appropriate time to ask such a question? Is the first date too soon? If it’s a deal breaker, I suppose it would be best to get it out the way. No point in meeting and potentially liking someone for them to drop the bomb on you two months in that they are bi or homosexual. How awkward would that conversation be? Although there is absolutely nothing with being gay and I completely support gay rights; I’m not really trying  to date a gay man. It’s not on my list lol.

I think it would be awkward to bring it up on the FIRST date? I know that I did, but I prepared him. It was the day after the dinner so I told him the conversation that we had. Under different circumstances though, wouldn’t it be a bit of a turn off to ask such a personal question so soon? I don’t like when men bring up sex on the first date; it says something. Wouldn’t this pretty much be in the same category?

Is this an offensive question to ask a straight man? Would an Alpha Male be ready to flip the table over for trying his “manhood?” Should you only ask if you have a feeling that he may be homosexual?

Oh the questions! It had us discussing.

My mom’s thought on the question was, you shouldn’t bother to ask because he will likely lie anyway if he wants to hide it. There was a collective TRUE at the table, lol.

Anyway, any thought? Too touchy of a subject? I mean the truth always comes out anyway, right?


Don”t Ingore the Red Flags

My girlfriends and I have such great lunch conversations that we almost forget that we are in the cafeteria at work!!! ICnt chngncited by a blog post, today we talked about why women ignore red flags. We’ve all done it!! We know that something is not right, yet we hang around to see if things will change. We make excuses, we attempt to justify his actions, and we pretend that things are going to get better. Why?

Women are so quick to forgive a man’s shortcomings. Men, not so much in return. Is it because men are in such short supply and they have the upper hand? They want to pick the attributes that will contribute to their gene flow. Women overlook the enormously big head and pray for a normal dome during child birth. Woman are like, eehh he’s not that bad… we can change this… we can work on that….

NOOOOOO!!!! This needs to stop. Men are not projects. When we see red flag after red flag we should take the closest exit.

1. If he ONLY texts you. PROBLEM. I get we live in an age when we do a lot of texting, but when you are really trying to get to know someone you need to talk on the phone sometimes. Why can’t he call?

2. If he gives you a lame excuse as to why he can’t call. PROBLEM. Oh my dog keeps sneezing. Uhm ok, go into another room!

3. If he can only call during work hours or when he is outside of the home. PROBLEM. Last time I experienced this, he was living with a woman.

4. If he can only plan dates during the work week. PROBLEM. A single man, regardless to how busy he is, will make time for who and what he wants to make time for. It’s not like you’re dating President Obama, but even he has time for Michelle.

5. The texts that he sends to you automatically delete from your phone. Yeah there is an app for that. PROBLEM. Who is he hiding the messages from? When the shit hits the fan, who does he not want you to show the messages to?

6. He doesn’t keep his dates with you, something always comes up where it has to be canceled. PROBLEM. If a man can’t keep his word, he’s not much of a man.

Why do we ignore these types of red flags or attempt to justify his actions?  I’ve done it too, I can’t even really explain why. Like I said in my previous post, a man will drop a woman like a scorching rock handed to him by the devil; women try to hold on.

We set the tone of the relationship by what we will or will not accept. We can not complain about what we allow to happen to us; we teach people how to treat us. Does this mean that we may stay single a little longer? Maybe. Does it mean that we will end up happier with the right man? Definitely!


My Little Therapy Session

Have you ever met someone that you just didn’t like, but felt bad for not liking? You don’t really DISLIKE that person; you just don’t want to date them. I think it’s the most awkward feeling especially when you know that the person likes you. What is it all about? Is it attraction? Is it chemistry? Is it being picky? What is it?

I always felt like when I met the person that I will develop a relationship with that I would know… IT’S HIM!!! Maybe I should go ahead and drop that notion. Maybe I could like this man, in time, maybe :-(. There isn’t anything wrong with him, I just dont think he’s for me. Although I will admit, my “It’s him” radar has been faulty to say the least. It may need a recalibration or something. Everytime I meet someone that I think I could see myself with, it goes south for one reason or another. There havent been many, like two and a possible, but still.

My friend thinks that I’m torturing myself. I wouldn’t say it is torture, more so doing something I don’t necessarily want to do… at least under the pretense of dating, maybe as just friends. I think we could be friends, but then I ask myself. If you like someone enough to be their friend, why can’t you be their “girlfriend?” Is the friend line used just to soften the blow?

I think this person is just not what I want. That’s ok, right? Of course it is. My sister asked, “What if what you want, isn’t what you need?” Ugh… I don’t know about that; a question that I didn’t anticipate. BUT even if that is true, I would like to get what I need with a spoon full of sugar and a chaser of what I WANT.  Maybe I want too much. I’m just rattling at this point. It helps me sort my thoughts…

All I know is that I am not being fair to another person. I’m not mean or anything, but my heart is not in it. I also know that a man would drop me like a freaking scorching hot rock handed to him by the devil and not answer my calls or texts if it were the other way around. So why the heck am I putting myself through this? Anyway this has been therapeutic. I’m still not sure what I should do, but I have to make a decision soon.


Have I Met the One?

Hi everybody,1148850_530790876993783_342440696_n

Some people, they know who they are, seem to believe that I am being too picky! That I’m like the man on the roof or was it the man in a boat…. I forget…and I keep sending people away who may have been sent for me. So I had to reflect, Nat is this true? I am the common denominator. Did I  meet the man of my dreams and not realize it?! HECK NO!!! Since my ex and I broke up, I  can admit, that I have been out with a lot of men, however most of them were just one or two dates. Also important to know, most of them I met online.

A man that I briefly dated about two years ago told me the other night that he is thinking about proposing to his present girlfriend. I think that is great! It didn’t work between us, but he has found love. Now, for those of you who are thinking that could’ve been me… no it couldn’t have been. He wasn’t meant for me. If we stayed together, I could’ve been blocking his blessing. There is no point trying to make something work that just wont. We have kept in touch, we talk every now and again, and he motivates me when it comes to my book. It’s ok if that is my place in his life and mine in his.

I came across an article Unsure if You’ve Met ‘The One?’ Six Key Things to Consider. I considered these things as I thought about the men that I have met. I don’t necessarily think there was anything wrong with SOME of the men that I met, they just weren’t for me. Others were just plain crazy!!

1. Ambition – you have to meet someone who shares your same level of ambition. Other than meeting the man who was damn near 40 and still lived with his parents. I don’t think I’ve met anyone with poor ambition. Oh, I did meet the man who claimed to be a preacher and complained about living in the hood, but would only work a part time job! Can’t complain about the situation if you aren’t going to work towards fixing it. Get two part time jobs!! Do whatever you need to do to fix your situation OR STOP COMPLAINING!

2. Core values – It’s important to share core values, otherwise conflict will arise. If you are a time out person and he’s a don’t spare the rod person that screams potential issues when it comes to child rearing. A met a man once who had a daughter, she must’ve been about two at the time, he would curse at this little girl like she was a man on the street. I knew then, PROBLEM! That couldn’t be my daughter. I’d likely end up in jail. Lord knows I can’t survive that. I need to be free!

3. Intelligence – The article said that a difference in the level of intelligence can cause frustration and a sense of inequality. I can attest to this. I dated someone once who said, “Why are you always trying to teach me something?” I honestly didn’t know that I was. I thought we were just having conversation. I met another man who said that he ate Trix yogurt once and it gave him a cavity!! I thought he was joking, what rational logical thinking person would believe that? HIM!! It wasn’t going to work.

4. Emotional intelligence – This relates to ones interpersonal skills that foster harmony and closeness in relationships. The qualities include empathy, cooperation, compassion, humor, impulse control, etc. This is an important one. I’m not sure if I shared this, but I spoke to a man ONCE and I felt he was hostile and aggressive …that night I had a dream that he raped me. That wasn’t going to work.  His interpersonal skills were poor to say the least.

5. Spiritual beliefs – This is pretty self-explanatory. If you go to church regularly and are a believer, you can’t date an atheist. It just isn’t going to work. A family that prays together stays together. I love when I see couples in church, although I have no idea what’s going on in their home.

6. Grooming, weight management, and other personal habits – This too speaks for itself. You all know how I feel about this. I love a well groomed man, grown man swag. Weight is a touchy issue, I mean we are all overweight. I think our country has recently dropped from number 1 to number 2 for the fattest country. Shoot, I’m not exactly skinny, lol, but I try to be healthy and that is all I can ask. I lost like 7lbs this month and I am surrounded by friends who have a healthy lifestyle. I can’t have a man taking me back to unhealthy eating. My ex and I gained like 20lbs together!!

With ALL of that said. Have I met the one? NO, I haven’t. Of course I have met guys that I have like and could see myself with, actually about two or three I think, but in the end. It just wasn’t meant to be. I am positive, that the right one will find his way into my life. All I can do is be open, honest, and perceptive.




I’ve been gone for a minute… I had to share a Joke!

I’ve been MIA lately and unmotivated, but that’s a problem that I’m working on. I have started going to church and I love it! I’m so happy! I get praise/worship, a meaningful message, and an overall blessed experience in an hour and 45 minutes. I couldn’t ask for anything more!!

I am also going to start volunteering at the Boys and Girls Club. Doing my part for the community :-). I’m actually excited about this experience. I generally have low tolerance for other people’s kids, but I think this will be good for me.

I’ve still been having a great time with some of the best friends ever. My sis and I had a debate over who is the nicest in our circle. Of course I think it’s me, she thinks it’s her. It’s me… I’m a sweetheart!

As far as dating… I can honestly say it has been an interesting experience these past nine months. Gotta thank my sis-in-law for convincing me to sign up. Everyone knows someone who knows someone who met someone online and it worked out. I’m starting to think that it is the exception and not the rule. I must admit that I have met a few nice guys, who I wish well, and two I guessss I can call a friend in as loose a sense that the word can be used.  The others were just strange.

The last fella that I met takes the cake!! I met a Joke! He is the one who made me say to myself, NAT WHAT ARE YOU DOING!!!??

He and I meet for the first time at Blue Martini and he buys my five friends and I drinks. Kinda weird… I protested… he insisted… so hey, knock yourself out. My friends and I nicknamed him 60/70 the amount the bill came to. He was giving my male friends the side eye, which I didn’t like, but maybe that’s what guys do. So he sounds like a nice guy right? What’s the problem you ask? He was soo vulgar and full of shit.

One day he sends me a text message, I’m not even really sure why. He tells me how he met a woman for the first time and had sex with her that day. He proceeds to tell me about her genitals, its appearance, the experience, and how it’s ok to have sex on the first date. Why he felt that was important for me to know, I have no idea. It is not my concern what other women do. This woman, isn’t going home with you because you bought my friends some drinks. I was not impressed!

On another instance, he tells me that he needs to determine if we are sexually compatible because he fell in love with his last girlfriend and then had to break up with her because they weren’t sexually compatible. My response to that, you must not have loved her that much. He also stated that is important for him to know if a woman smells good down there. Those are his words, not mine!!!

This is all in the span of two weeks. I tell him it’s not going to work. His response, No Shit! Later, 60/70 texts me… What about your light skin friend, then what about your dark skin friend? WTF… dude are you serious? You are trying to talk to my friends. Long story short. I had to let him know… My friends don’t like you, they don’t want to get to know you, and they aren’t interested in talking to you in. IN FACT they don’t want ME talking to you.

So you would’ve thought that would’ve ended it. Nope! He sends me a text saying he’s tired of being single so we should just work it out and be together. That was the end of the road for me. You know what, have a nice life sir. He oozed desperation. Ohhhh he asked if I was a lesbian. I guess it was just unfathomable that I wouldn’t want to sleep with him. I must be a lesbian to turn him down. YIKES!!

It’s amazing all of the nonsense I endured over two weeks. He wanted to come to my place at 1 in the morning. That isn’t going to happen. He wanted me to meet him at a hotel because he was going to be drinking. That definitely isn’t going to happen.

I’m going to take a bit of a break, but remain open and receptive, and try to focus on other things.

To all of the 60/70s out there. No woman with any sense is going to fall for your sexually compatible nonsense. It’s a joke!! You may come out better if you pretend to get to know someone and hey you may find that you like them.

Marvin Sapp posted on his Facebook Page. “Someone who genuinely cares about you will want to get closer… Not in a sexual way, but they want to know your dreams and passions so they can make them happen.” I completely agree! Waiting on my Boaz!


Dating Deal Breakers?!? Yes or No

Hi everyone!!

I celOldebrated my birthday this weekend and had blast! I have a great family and group of friends. I couldn’t ask for a better circle! I feel like a kid on my birthday and look forward to it each year. People complain about getting older, but don’t consider the alternative… DEATH! I am thankful to be blessed with another year of life, health, and joy!

So, I was on FB and I saw a post that caught my attention. It said 10 Dating Deal Breakers You Must Get Over! I took a look at them and I don’t know if I could get over some of them…

1. Discolored teeth – Welp… I’m not sure how I feel about this one!! There is a difference between not the whitest smile (noooo problem with that) to brown teeth… That screams poor hygiene to me!!!! I can’t have your poor oral hygiene making my great oral hygiene be in vain, GERMS move from mouth to mouth… Google it!!!

2. He’s shorter than 6 feet – This I can get over, provided he’s taller than 5’7” preferably at least 5’9”

3. He has bad acne – This one is dependent on a couple of factors. At 16 bad acne is no problem, but at 30 bad acne is kind of weird. I mean a pimple here and there is not what I consider bad acne so maybe “bad” is relative. Then it makes me wonder why an adult has such bad acne, visit the dermatologist!! But NO not a deal breaker, well unless it’s just gross.

4. Bad breath – Yeah nope can’t agree with this!!! Is it bad because we just shared a Chili Cheese Dog or is it bad because you don’t floss regularly and take care of your teeth?!?! If it’s the latter, it’s a deal breaker. I can’t teach a grown man oral hygiene!!! You should’ve learned that at 2 with mommy and daddy!

5. A severe underbite – Not that appealing, but no not a deal breaker. If he’s ok with it, I can be ok with it.

6. He has long dirty fingernails – Nope, nope, and nope… DEAL BREAKER!!! If you are not a mechanic, I need you to clean your nails. You can get some sort of infection! Yuck! Then if I ever get scratched!! Men, this is very unappealing… take care of your nails. It says a lot about you!!

7. He calls mommy daily – I can deal with this. A man who loves his mother, will know how to love me!! As long as I get a call daily too, it’s all good!

8. He makes less than six figures – I’m ok with this as long as he is not in financial stress. If you are working with your five figures and are living a comfortable life, our figures combined (if we get there) can be six figures.

9. He can’t dress – Y’all know how I feel about this. Not sure if I can get on board; I guess it depends.

10. He has dreads or twist – I love a man in dreads!!! Well… unless he’s a man in dreads with a bald spot or a severe receding hairline, then you just look funny!

So of these ten things, several of them are still deal breakers. Check out the article to see Paul Carrick Brunson’s argument as to why they should not be. He may have some good points, but I can’t get on board lol.


Judgemental vs Standards

Grow Old

What is the point where one is being judgmental versus not settling for what they don’t want?

I’ve recently went out on a date with a couple more men that I just wasn’t feeling. Trust me when I say, I am trying so hard to be more open… The first man that I went out with seemed sex crazed. Our first conversation, he asked me how long had it been since I had sex. The next conversation, he wanted to know what I slept in. Once, when we went out for drinks, he asked me how often I like to have sex. 😐 This is disturbing!!! Of all the many things you can get to know about me, that’s all you want to know? Maybe ask my favorite color!!! Find out what I went to school for? What do I do for a living? To top it all off, he invited me to lunch, prior to the drinks, and was confused as to why I didn’t eat prior to arriving. WTF!!! Then had the nerve to ask when he could come to my place. Eerr uuuhhh NEVER!!

The second man that I met… and here I was really trying to be open and he was a nice guy. I knew he was divorced with two kids when I met him, ok let’s get that out there because it’s important to know. I find out, soon after meeting him, that he actually has 3 kids, is unemployed, and lives at home with his parents. People, I got so quite he thought that I hung up on him. I would never do that btw, it’s just plain rude, but I had to let him go. I felt so bad, he told me that I gave him butterflies. Welp, I like butterflies too!!! Why should I feel dread in the pit of my stomach?!?

So two people made me feel bad about cutting the guy living with his parents off. People come into hard times I was told. One of his children was from a marriage. He may be trying to get back on his feet and that’s why he lives at home with his parents. That’s all well and good. I know people go through hard times, BUT WHY DO HIS HARD TIMES HAVE TO BE MY HARD TIMES?!?!? Maybe, just maybe, he should get his shit together and then think about a girlfriend! IJS, those are my thoughts. Why should I deal with all that he has going on to avoid hurting his feelings?!?!? It hurts my feelings to know that you will expect to always be at my place because you don’t have your own place uuugghhh. It hurts my feelings to know that you want to take a walk on the beach because it’s FREE and not because it’s romantic. NOOOOO!!!!

I met a third man, who talks so slowly and sounds so country it’s frustrating. I swear he is somebody’s grandpa!! I know this is judgmental, but again why do I have to be put to sleep lmao!

Once I met a man who had three kids all the SAME AGE!!! They were not triplets and there were NO twins. I was like oh no no no, must’ve been how you was raised huh?! Lol, I got that from Chris Rock. But really, that’s too much!!!

I have a friend who is also facing a dilemma. She’s been seeing this guy for a couple of months, but not exclusive. She likes him and enjoys spending time with him, but he has Sickle Cell and is in and out of the hospital. Although she likes him, she’s not sure if this is something that she can deal with emotionally. Not only will this take an emotional toll, we must think about the big picture. Whether she has the trait which will likely pass it to their children and the expense of his condition. I honestly do not know what I would do in this position. Is it wrong to move on? Why should she bear this burden? On the other hand, she could be missing out on love. Is she being selfish? I don’t know.

Is it entirely wrong to be judgmental when it comes to matters of the heart and choosing a potential love interest? I’m not sure it is. Is it being judgmental or having standards?


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