MyPuzzlePeace: Piecing It Together

From the Inside In

Archive for the tag “Family”

Holiday Pressures.

It’s holiday time!!!!! You know what that means stress, pressure, and uncertainty lol. The holidays can be a confusing time for people dating. To exchange gifts; not to exchange gifts. Meet the family; don’t meet the family. Spend New Year’s together; spend it apart with friends. Ohhh the dilemmas!! Choices!! What to do?

One of my friends is a bit stressed about meeting mom. She has been seeing this man for a few months now; but they aren’t in a committed relationship yet. She seems to like him, but may be having jitters. When you’ve been single for a while jitters are normal. Anyway… so mom is visiting for Thanksgiving. Nerve wracking right? This could be the determining factor of if she and the guy stay together or not. That’s a lot of pressure. I’m sure it will be fine though; she’s good people 🙂

What about family dinner? Should you invite the person you’ve been dating to dinner? Will that person be overwhelmed? With my parents, siblings, nieces, and nephews there are 12 of us!! That might be a bit much. I’ve met someone that I want to introduce to the family; he asked if he could meet them one by one. I think it’s best to just meet them all at once… when you meet them all at once you just blend in. When it’s one on one all the attention is on YOU. Be prepared for an interrogation!

Gifts are another thing to consider… how soon is too soon to exchange gifts? Should you talk about it? Should you just buy a gift if you want and don’t worry about receiving anything in return? If you do decide to exchange gifts, what do you get? Men are hard to shop for, socks, tie pin… you don’t want to get something too big… those are crappy gifts though. I’m not going to worry about it. I guess I’ll cross that bridge when I get to it. I have enough gifts to buy anyway, there are 12 of us lol. One of my nephews specifically said no clothes, lmao.

So much uncertainty. You don’t want to be pushy, but you don’t want to be put on the back burner. Do you have to make choices about who to spend the holidays with? Party with your friends on NYE or a romantic night? Or both party and then romance, ahhh best of both worlds ;-). Are women the only ones who worry about these things? Probably. I think we worry too much. Well, I’m not going to worry or think about anything. I’m happy and I’m just going to go with the flow. I’m drifting peacefully with a cool drink in my hand.

On another note. I got a new job!! I’m still with the bank, it’s a promotion, and one step closer to where I want to be. I am extremely excited about this opportunity and can’t wait to start on Monday.

 

NAO

Mr Fix Nothing

What do you do when you feel like your husband is not “masculine” enough?lazy-2
I don’t typically like to subscribe to gender roles, but for the purpose of this discussion the definition of masculinity is… having qualities traditionally ascribed to men, as strength and boldness. A man that isn’t afraid of a little grit and can do some repairs around the house.
I met a woman who is newly wed and currently facing a challenge with her husband. She said she doesn’t find him to be masculine enough and it’s affecting her relationship with him.  Side note* This people is why don’t like to sit at the community table in restaurants; everyone seems to think they can talk to me, just kidding.  I guess I have one of those faces.
So your first thought may be, did she not realize his lack of “masculinity” prior to marrying him? I’m not sure, it sounded to me like they had a long distance relationship prior to being married. She gave me the impression that they did not spend much of their dating time in the same location. That’s not ideal, but not extremely unusual, some people don’t shack up until married. Now that they share a life and a home his laziness, if I may call it that, is coming to light.
Why is she feeling this way? She said, her last boyfriend was a “manly man.” He was the fix shit when it was broken, dirt under his nails, ability to solve a problem, alpha male man. Her husband is apparently the, I’m going to go upstairs to finish my TV show because the repair man’s talking is killing the climatic scene of Luke Cage type.  I can see how that would be frustrating. Going from one man who will fix the broken dishwasher to a man who wont even greet and listen to the repair man is quite a contrast. All she is asking is for her husband to do some stuff around the house; pick up a screwdriver every now and again. Even if it’s just to put it away after she used it to fix something.
Granted, she probably shouldn’t be comparing her husband to her ex boyfriend, but is it wrong to expect your husband to do certain things around the house? It sounds like he expects her to cook and clean. I’m single and I have to snake my own drain, fix my own toilet, fix my own leaky faucet, and  troubleshoot my own household issues.  I don’t have a problem continuing to take care of my home after I get married, but I certainly don’t expect to be taking care of the repairs by myself. Not with a man in the house. If I have to take care of everything myself he might as well not be there, IJS.
This is impacting the way she feels about him, so it’s definitely important to her. You like what you like, but he is who he is. Is it wrong for her to feel this way? What should she do?
Feel free to share your thoughts.
 
NAO

Stop ASKING Insensitive Questions

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I completed my seven days!! It was quite an experience and it allowed me to think and gain some sense of clarity of what I want and where I am going. I made significant progress on my book. I didn’t meet my initial goal, but I will definitely be done by the end of this year. The seven days made me realize how my time I waste doing nothing. NOT COOL!

On to what I want to talk about… People asking questions about your life that is really none of their business.

After my seven days, I went back on Facebook. Everyone goes back to Facebook, it’s like a drug. I actually had no intent to not go back… Anyway…. On my first day back I saw a clip of Tyra Banks on FABLifeShow where she was in tears talking about her struggle to get pregnant. She discussed how she has been trying to get pregnant for years and it’s frustrating, annoying, and hurtful that everyone feels the need to ask, “When are you having a baby?” It may seem to be a simple question, but it’s insensitive and I fully understand.

Granted, I am NOT trying to get pregnant, but I can relate. It is just as annoying when people ask me when I’m going to get married. Why ask me? Why do you care? How does my marital status have anything to do with you? If you are important to me, when I get engaged I will be sure to let you know. Your asking me isn’t going to make me get engaged any sooner. Don’t ask me when I’m having children. I’ll have them or not have them when the time is right. Getting engaged and having children is something that I have no direct control over. I cannot marry or impregnate myself. So basically what I am saying is, stop asking!

I’ve had people ask me, what I am waiting for. Answer, I’m waiting to avoid being a single parent. I’m waiting to be a family unit. I am waiting to have a man in my life that I would like to share my life with. I don’t think that is a problem. Do you? I’ve had people ask me if I am capable to have children. That is the most insensitive question of all! As far as I know, I am, but if I weren’t, thank you for throwing it in my face. So again, what I am saying is, STOP ASKING!

Yes, I realize I’m getting older. I know my age; I’m not stupid. Yes, I realize the older I get the harder it will be to conceive. I’m not stupid. Yes, I know the older I get the riskier the pregnancy. I’m not stupid. This information does not change the fact I am not prepared to have a child, especially considering I am not in a committed relationship. Woman are having babies later in life, I am healthy, and have faith that I will one day have a child. I would love to have a child one day, but having a child does not define and does not make me any more of a woman. I actually read an article that suggested people without children have happier lives, something to consider.

So if you have a single woman in your life. Don’t annoy her with questions you already know the answer to. No she isn’t engaged, if she were you’d know. No she isn’t pregnant, if she were you’d know. Yes, she is aware of her fertility and does not need a medical lesson from you. So please, stop asking!

NAO

My Dear Grandma, You will be Missed

2013-04-14 19.40.36Happy New Year!!!

My first post of the year is dedicated to my grandma who passed away this weekend; may she rest in peace. It’s funny that when someone dies you think about them more in the course of a week than you generally would.

Along with everyone else in my family, my grandma wanted me to get married and have some babies. When we spoke she always managed to bring it up.  It would usually start like this, “How is your new friend?”

“He’s good; I like him.”

“So what are you waiting on to have some babies? To get my age?”

“No, Grandmaaaa (gotta drag Grandma) I’m working on it.”

“Ok, well don’t wait too long. You don’t want to be an old lady?”

“I know Grandmaaaa.”

“You know, when I was your age I had four already.”

Lol

My grandma was such a lady and impressed on her granddaughters to be ladies too. I remember as a kid visiting New York she would say, “Young ladies don’t do this or young ladies don’t do that. Young ladies don’t wear dungarees all the time.”

“What are dungarees, Grandma?”

“Young ladies carry purses.”

“Purse for what?”

“Your hanky, candy, and a little nickel.” Yes, the nickel must be little, lol.

To my sister, “Keep still, young ladies don’t wiggle so much.”

Leave it to my grandma we’d all be in a fluffy dress, slip underneath, pantyhose, purse, and powdered up to our necks. Gotta be fresh at all times. Oh and sit like a lady. Cousins and sis, do you guys remember this? “Shut up your legs you don’t wanna look like _____.” Don’t fill in the blank lmao.

 Grandma was kinda of strict. She does NOT PLAY!!! AT ALL!!! It is because of her one of the Deacons in the church called my cousin and I, “Pancake babies.” He was amused at her tool of choice to spank our butts, lmao. My cousin and I were called that for years!! Now as an adult it has me wondering, were they sharing beating stories? I guess we could be a handful at times. It was usually me, my sis, and my four cousins each summer getting on her last nerve. Occasionally two other cousins, her sister’s children, would be there too.

We used to try to slide down the banister. We would run up and down the stairs. Of course we’d get in trouble, but we just wanted to play outside. It’s not our fault, she wouldn’t let us leave the gate! When I tell you my cousins and I played full games inside the gate and when I look back, I don’t know how we all fit! I remember once these kids across the street were jumping double dutch. Ohhh my cousin and I wanted to go soooo bad. It was DOUBLE DUTCH. They invited us over and in unison, “Our grandma wont let us leave the gate.” She’d tell us sit down and read a book. “A booook, ugghhh Grandmaaaa!”

 I like to think we were good kids, well the two youngest were a bit much, lmao just kidding, no really!! I think they required daily spankings. Heck one of my cousins broke my grandma’s chair, yikes!! I actually think it’s still broken 20 years later.

 Grandma was also an avid church goer and Lord do not embarrass this woman in church. It took years before she would let us out of her sight and up in the balcony. Even then, she’d often throw us an occasional eye. The eye meant sit back and stop clowning around in church. She had us all in the choir. We went to Vacation Bible School. We did arts and crafts! We cleaned the church. Ohhh the memories!!

 My grandma loved her grandchildren and would always brag on the nine of us. She couldn’t be more proud of us if she wanted to. I will truly miss her. I can hear her laugh. The last time I saw her in June, my nephew made her laugh so hard I was worried she wasn’t going to make it, but it was all good. She was strict, but meant well. Even when she got on my nerves, I know she loved me. 

Until the day we meet again.

NAO

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