MyPuzzlePeace: Piecing It Together

From the Inside In

Archive for the tag “ex”

Have I Met the One?

Hi everybody,1148850_530790876993783_342440696_n

Some people, they know who they are, seem to believe that I am being too picky! That I’m like the man on the roof or was it the man in a boat…. I forget…and I keep sending people away who may have been sent for me. So I had to reflect, Nat is this true? I am the common denominator. Did I  meet the man of my dreams and not realize it?! HECK NO!!! Since my ex and I broke up, I  can admit, that I have been out with a lot of men, however most of them were just one or two dates. Also important to know, most of them I met online.

A man that I briefly dated about two years ago told me the other night that he is thinking about proposing to his present girlfriend. I think that is great! It didn’t work between us, but he has found love. Now, for those of you who are thinking that could’ve been me… no it couldn’t have been. He wasn’t meant for me. If we stayed together, I could’ve been blocking his blessing. There is no point trying to make something work that just wont. We have kept in touch, we talk every now and again, and he motivates me when it comes to my book. It’s ok if that is my place in his life and mine in his.

I came across an article Unsure if You’ve Met ‘The One?’ Six Key Things to Consider. I considered these things as I thought about the men that I have met. I don’t necessarily think there was anything wrong with SOME of the men that I met, they just weren’t for me. Others were just plain crazy!!

1. Ambition – you have to meet someone who shares your same level of ambition. Other than meeting the man who was damn near 40 and still lived with his parents. I don’t think I’ve met anyone with poor ambition. Oh, I did meet the man who claimed to be a preacher and complained about living in the hood, but would only work a part time job! Can’t complain about the situation if you aren’t going to work towards fixing it. Get two part time jobs!! Do whatever you need to do to fix your situation OR STOP COMPLAINING!

2. Core values – It’s important to share core values, otherwise conflict will arise. If you are a time out person and he’s a don’t spare the rod person that screams potential issues when it comes to child rearing. A met a man once who had a daughter, she must’ve been about two at the time, he would curse at this little girl like she was a man on the street. I knew then, PROBLEM! That couldn’t be my daughter. I’d likely end up in jail. Lord knows I can’t survive that. I need to be free!

3. Intelligence – The article said that a difference in the level of intelligence can cause frustration and a sense of inequality. I can attest to this. I dated someone once who said, “Why are you always trying to teach me something?” I honestly didn’t know that I was. I thought we were just having conversation. I met another man who said that he ate Trix yogurt once and it gave him a cavity!! I thought he was joking, what rational logical thinking person would believe that? HIM!! It wasn’t going to work.

4. Emotional intelligence – This relates to ones interpersonal skills that foster harmony and closeness in relationships. The qualities include empathy, cooperation, compassion, humor, impulse control, etc. This is an important one. I’m not sure if I shared this, but I spoke to a man ONCE and I felt he was hostile and aggressive …that night I had a dream that he raped me. That wasn’t going to work.  His interpersonal skills were poor to say the least.

5. Spiritual beliefs – This is pretty self-explanatory. If you go to church regularly and are a believer, you can’t date an atheist. It just isn’t going to work. A family that prays together stays together. I love when I see couples in church, although I have no idea what’s going on in their home.

6. Grooming, weight management, and other personal habits – This too speaks for itself. You all know how I feel about this. I love a well groomed man, grown man swag. Weight is a touchy issue, I mean we are all overweight. I think our country has recently dropped from number 1 to number 2 for the fattest country. Shoot, I’m not exactly skinny, lol, but I try to be healthy and that is all I can ask. I lost like 7lbs this month and I am surrounded by friends who have a healthy lifestyle. I can’t have a man taking me back to unhealthy eating. My ex and I gained like 20lbs together!!

With ALL of that said. Have I met the one? NO, I haven’t. Of course I have met guys that I have like and could see myself with, actually about two or three I think, but in the end. It just wasn’t meant to be. I am positive, that the right one will find his way into my life. All I can do is be open, honest, and perceptive.

 

NAO

 

Can You Really be Friends with an Ex?

I hope everyone enjoyed their long weekend, well if you were off for the holiday anyway!

My ex called me the other day because he was in the area and asked what I was doing. I told him that I had plans, which I did. He didn’t exactly ask, but it seemed he wanted to hang out. In the past, I would’ve gone if I was free. Why not? This time I wondered… Would I have met up with him if I didn’t have plans? I’m not sure.

Can you really remain friends with an ex? Maybe friend is too strong of a term. People do use the word friend too loosely. Everyone you talk to is not a friend, everyone you associate with is not a friend. So maybe the better question is, can you associate with an ex? Can you maintain a relationship with an ex?

I’ve been single for two years and now that I’m dating; I’ve started thinking more about it. My ex and I don’t hang out or spend time together, but we do talk every now and again… It’s not even that often. We don’t talk about us, we don’t talk about relationships. I don’t even know if he’s dating anyone. We basically talk about work, our family, and friends. I never concerned myself before, because I had no one to talk to and I know he’d listen and vice versa.

I have not thought about my ex and I getting back together for a long time. I really don’t even think I could be with him now. Things I put up with because I was in love, will likely annoy the shit  out of me now!! He is not a bad guy AT ALL, don’t get me wrong, just some annoying things… Ya’ll know what I mean. No more rose colored glass. I have moved on, but is it time that we really part ways and stop communication? We don’t have kids or anything linking us together, so there is no real reason for us to remain in contact.

I’m not in a committed relationship at this time, but I’ve been seeing someone that I like and I’d hate for communicating with my ex to become a potential issue. I have no reason to suspect that it will, but I would have a big problem if the role was reversed. I would wonder why he was holding on.

I was reading “Cosmopolitan” The Case for a Clean Break. They think it is possible to be friends after a breakup, but my question is… WHY? If you wanted me in your life, we’d still be together. These are the steps they provided for a clean break up, do it like a band aid!

1. Lose His Number – Well, I know it by heart… so that’s no help…

2. Call in Reinforcements- Eeehh, it’s not that serious

3. De-friend Him – That was easy enough, he had no social media and I did de-friend his friends that were on Facebook. Score one for Natalie!!

4. Give yourself space – I never gave myself space. Here is the problem! We never stopped talking; it just gradually became less and less.

I know in my heart that I would never let my ex interfere with a new potential love, hey he had his chance!! I think talking to him is familiar, but maybe it’s time to build that familiarity with someone else.

What do you guys think?

NAO

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