I had a terrifying dream last night. I was in an airplane and as soon as it took off it crashed into the ocean. I didn’t die on impact. I remember seeing the water rising, being scared, and then outside of my body watching the plane go under. I don’t know if dreams really mean anything, but I was on Google the next morning. If it’s in my head, I figure there must be a reason.
The plane… lack of self-confidence, self-defeating attitude and self-doubt. Feelings of hopelessness. Worry of not achieving goals.
The ocean… represents spiritual refreshment, tranquility, and renewal. It can also be an indication of emotional state: being overwhelmed and swept away by stress in life, being brought down emotionally, or drained of energy.
So what’s going on with me? Men. Matters of the heart. Life. So frustrating!!! I don’t know if it’s just me, but a man can ruin your temperament for the whole day. Walking around with a cloud of gloom and moping like Eeyore. Makes no damn sense!! I was watching this video yesterday of a man giving a hilarious yet motivational message. He brought up how when women get out of a relationship they feel like their whole world has come to an end. He said, “It’s just the beginning biiittcchhh!!”
I’ve been meeting different men, dating, etc… The problem. The older I get, the more I realize I need to make wise life decisions about the men I chose to have in my life. Not saying that I haven’t, but sometimes I worry that I am going to make poor choices. I worry that I justify men’s actions when I really should take them for what they are. Men show us who they are and we ignore it. I worry that I allow men to control my emotions. It really bothers me. It doesn’t make sense to me that I allow a man to make me question myself and quality of character. Maybe I feel too deeply? Maybe I internalize things that I shouldn’t? What he said and what she heard is a REAL problem. Ladies, have you ever been in a complete funk over what you heard only to later realize (after discussion) it’s not what he said? Then get completely mad at yourself for allowing yourself to be sad over what turned out to be nothing?
I am taking a 7 day “social” break as suggested by my dear friend. I haven’t decided all that I’m not going to do, but I have a plan of what I will do in the next week. Seven days of early morning mantra and meditation. Seven days of writing (nearly done with my book). Seven days of cleaner eating. Seven days of exercise. Seven days of minimal to no TV. Seven days of Bible passages. Seven days with no dates. Seven days no men. Seven days of clarity. Seven days of reconnecting with me as I have been losing focus and straying away from my goals.
I think this break will be a good jump start. My head will be clear and my mind renewed. I start on Sunday after church; I am ready to take this journey.