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My Dear Grandma, You will be Missed

2013-04-14 19.40.36Happy New Year!!!

My first post of the year is dedicated to my grandma who passed away this weekend; may she rest in peace. It’s funny that when someone dies you think about them more in the course of a week than you generally would.

Along with everyone else in my family, my grandma wanted me to get married and have some babies. When we spoke she always managed to bring it up.  It would usually start like this, “How is your new friend?”

“He’s good; I like him.”

“So what are you waiting on to have some babies? To get my age?”

“No, Grandmaaaa (gotta drag Grandma) I’m working on it.”

“Ok, well don’t wait too long. You don’t want to be an old lady?”

“I know Grandmaaaa.”

“You know, when I was your age I had four already.”


My grandma was such a lady and impressed on her granddaughters to be ladies too. I remember as a kid visiting New York she would say, “Young ladies don’t do this or young ladies don’t do that. Young ladies don’t wear dungarees all the time.”

“What are dungarees, Grandma?”

“Young ladies carry purses.”

“Purse for what?”

“Your hanky, candy, and a little nickel.” Yes, the nickel must be little, lol.

To my sister, “Keep still, young ladies don’t wiggle so much.”

Leave it to my grandma we’d all be in a fluffy dress, slip underneath, pantyhose, purse, and powdered up to our necks. Gotta be fresh at all times. Oh and sit like a lady. Cousins and sis, do you guys remember this? “Shut up your legs you don’t wanna look like _____.” Don’t fill in the blank lmao.

 Grandma was kinda of strict. She does NOT PLAY!!! AT ALL!!! It is because of her one of the Deacons in the church called my cousin and I, “Pancake babies.” He was amused at her tool of choice to spank our butts, lmao. My cousin and I were called that for years!! Now as an adult it has me wondering, were they sharing beating stories? I guess we could be a handful at times. It was usually me, my sis, and my four cousins each summer getting on her last nerve. Occasionally two other cousins, her sister’s children, would be there too.

We used to try to slide down the banister. We would run up and down the stairs. Of course we’d get in trouble, but we just wanted to play outside. It’s not our fault, she wouldn’t let us leave the gate! When I tell you my cousins and I played full games inside the gate and when I look back, I don’t know how we all fit! I remember once these kids across the street were jumping double dutch. Ohhh my cousin and I wanted to go soooo bad. It was DOUBLE DUTCH. They invited us over and in unison, “Our grandma wont let us leave the gate.” She’d tell us sit down and read a book. “A booook, ugghhh Grandmaaaa!”

 I like to think we were good kids, well the two youngest were a bit much, lmao just kidding, no really!! I think they required daily spankings. Heck one of my cousins broke my grandma’s chair, yikes!! I actually think it’s still broken 20 years later.

 Grandma was also an avid church goer and Lord do not embarrass this woman in church. It took years before she would let us out of her sight and up in the balcony. Even then, she’d often throw us an occasional eye. The eye meant sit back and stop clowning around in church. She had us all in the choir. We went to Vacation Bible School. We did arts and crafts! We cleaned the church. Ohhh the memories!!

 My grandma loved her grandchildren and would always brag on the nine of us. She couldn’t be more proud of us if she wanted to. I will truly miss her. I can hear her laugh. The last time I saw her in June, my nephew made her laugh so hard I was worried she wasn’t going to make it, but it was all good. She was strict, but meant well. Even when she got on my nerves, I know she loved me. 

Until the day we meet again.


Romanticized Ideas of Man

I was watching this show on TV that basically suggested, women have these romanticized ideas of what they want in a man that include standards that no man can live up to. Is that true?

I think about myself and I pretty much know what I want and have come to accept that no man is going to be “perfect” and have ALL the characteristics that I want: A 6’2, chocolate man, with a dazzling smile, who completely adores me hehehe. I’ve been conditioned…. That’s not really what my list consists of, but you get the point. The top three things on a lot of women’s list are tall, dark, and handsome. Why do we do that?

Men probably have big butt and a smile that comes on a woman who can cook.

Does this set relationships up for failure?

Ladies want someone who can sing… someone who sends flowers… someone who she can talk to all night until she falls asleep… someone who is successful… someone who is so romantic all of her friends secretly hate her…

Why not want someone who likes you and all your weirdness? You could end up with someone who disrespects you, cheats on you, abuses, and puts you last.

Sometimes I look at couples, especially weird looking ones, and wonder what they see in each other. Did they settle? Was this a compromise? Did they not want to be alone? Were they tired of meeting the wrong people? So instead of tall, dark, and handsome… he’s short, pasty, and 15 years your senior… Does there come an age when you have to say, ok, let’s get it together?

As much as people say that they want happiness, they really don’t. People say things that they want, but then when they get it, it’s like ehhhh. I know, I’ve done it. I met someone who used to bring me roses and I didn’t really care, BUT I didn’t like him for many other reasons. I say this to say, he got no points for the roses. I love roses. I have them tattooed on my back for goodness sakes.

Niecy Nash said, “Date for you priorities, not your preferences.”

“Those who hold out for everything, end up with nothing.” I heard this on a TV show.

I’m finally seeing someone, after three years of being single, and I’m in the rose colored glasses stage. I can admit, I’m scared about when they come off. Will my romanticized ideas change things? Once, one of my friends asked me why I hadn’t asked him something, I don’t even remember what she asked specifically, but my response was that I don’t want things to change. Some things you really don’t need to know!! I didn’t want to know the answer to whatever the question was because if I didn’t like the answer from the man that I’m seeing, things would change. The answer could potentially knock the glasses from my face and into the street in the midst of rush hour traffic on a busy highway. Maybe, I’m not scared about the glasses per se. Maybe, I’m scared that I finally met someone that I like and that  he may not live up to my romanticized ideas. On the other hand, what if he does and I’m scared for nothing…I digress

Maybe that’s why some women have so called unreasonable standards. If no man can meet them, we can’t be disappointed. It’s a mechanism. I don’t know, whatever. Anyway, all of this from a TV show and my boring weekend that allowed me to think too much. This is what happens when I have too much time alone with my thoughts. Right now, I am happy with my average height, light skin, and handsome man :-). That is all that matters.

Ladies and gentlemen, let’s not be crazy! I’m trying not to lol. In 2014, I will not over analyze, I will go with the flow, and be happy in the moment.

Happy New Year!!



Happy New Year!!

It’s that time again. Goodbye to another year.  figure-out-where-spend-eve-new-year-ecards-someecards

Let’s reflect… I’ve had a pretty good 2013. Right now I’m sitting, alone, in a restaurant that I’ve never been in before. Old Natalie liked to stick to what she knew, my friend Raya would be so proud. It’s an organic vegetarian & vegan restaurant at that!

This year, I’ve experienced some new thing and accomplished a few things.

1. I started going to church, alone.

2. I started my blog and an outline of my book.

3. I went on several interesting dates.

4. I met a man that I like, yaye!!! 🙂

5. I’m leaving the year with the same friends that I entered the year with; that’s always a good thing. I also made some new friends at work and through mutual friends. My circle is expanding with positivity.

6. I have a new position at work and it’s a promotion!!

7. I’ve been consistent with my weight. Still wearing the same size; can’t be mad at that!

8. I’m in good health; the family is in good health.

9. I went on two great vacations.

Pretty good 2013 if I do say so myself. I’m ready to tackle the New Year and have made some resolutions.

1. To be more active in church. I’ve been slacking 😦

2. To make exercise a CONSISTENT part of my life – I will definitely need some motivation for this one… uugghh why is working out so hard? I need to get into a groove. Someone was supposed to have me salsa dancing by now, I wont name any names, Tasha. I think that I am going to have to do a boot camp or something. Something that will be a scheduled part of my life. I did a boot camp once at USF and I really enjoyed it. I’m going to look into that… it’s kinda cold out right now though… ok no excuses

3. Eat a healthier diet – I’ve been doing alright in this aspect. My house has no juice, soda, or snacks. I can offer my guest water and peanuts lmao. I just need to get more fruits and veggies in my life. I have made the decision to no longer eat fast food and begin an organic lifestyle.

4. Decrease the amount of money I spend eating out – I am so weak in this area. I LOVE eating out!! I have decided to practice the cash rule, once it’s gone no eating out. At least I don’t have to worry about fast food… McDonalds et al will NEVER see another cent of my money. Those who know me, know that I do mean NEVER.

5. Focus more time or writing – Blog more often, while still ensuring that I’m not blogging for the sake of blogging. Focus on my book because right now it’s a skeleton lol. Less TV, more reading and more writing.

I think those are quite realistic and attainable goals; I am hoping for a prosperous 2014 and wishing everyone the same.




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