MyPuzzlePeace: Piecing It Together

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Archive for the category “Friendship”

Dating Deal Breakers?!? Yes or No

Hi everyone!!

I celOldebrated my birthday this weekend and had blast! I have a great family and group of friends. I couldn’t ask for a better circle! I feel like a kid on my birthday and look forward to it each year. People complain about getting older, but don’t consider the alternative… DEATH! I am thankful to be blessed with another year of life, health, and joy!

So, I was on FB and I saw a post that caught my attention. It said 10 Dating Deal Breakers You Must Get Over! I took a look at them and I don’t know if I could get over some of them…

1. Discolored teeth – Welp… I’m not sure how I feel about this one!! There is a difference between not the whitest smile (noooo problem with that) to brown teeth… That screams poor hygiene to me!!!! I can’t have your poor oral hygiene making my great oral hygiene be in vain, GERMS move from mouth to mouth… Google it!!!

2. He’s shorter than 6 feet – This I can get over, provided he’s taller than 5’7” preferably at least 5’9”

3. He has bad acne – This one is dependent on a couple of factors. At 16 bad acne is no problem, but at 30 bad acne is kind of weird. I mean a pimple here and there is not what I consider bad acne so maybe “bad” is relative. Then it makes me wonder why an adult has such bad acne, visit the dermatologist!! But NO not a deal breaker, well unless it’s just gross.

4. Bad breath – Yeah nope can’t agree with this!!! Is it bad because we just shared a Chili Cheese Dog or is it bad because you don’t floss regularly and take care of your teeth?!?! If it’s the latter, it’s a deal breaker. I can’t teach a grown man oral hygiene!!! You should’ve learned that at 2 with mommy and daddy!

5. A severe underbite – Not that appealing, but no not a deal breaker. If he’s ok with it, I can be ok with it.

6. He has long dirty fingernails – Nope, nope, and nope… DEAL BREAKER!!! If you are not a mechanic, I need you to clean your nails. You can get some sort of infection! Yuck! Then if I ever get scratched!! Men, this is very unappealing… take care of your nails. It says a lot about you!!

7. He calls mommy daily – I can deal with this. A man who loves his mother, will know how to love me!! As long as I get a call daily too, it’s all good!

8. He makes less than six figures – I’m ok with this as long as he is not in financial stress. If you are working with your five figures and are living a comfortable life, our figures combined (if we get there) can be six figures.

9. He can’t dress – Y’all know how I feel about this. Not sure if I can get on board; I guess it depends.

10. He has dreads or twist – I love a man in dreads!!! Well… unless he’s a man in dreads with a bald spot or a severe receding hairline, then you just look funny!

So of these ten things, several of them are still deal breakers. Check out the article to see Paul Carrick Brunson’s argument as to why they should not be. He may have some good points, but I can’t get on board lol.


Judgemental vs Standards

Grow Old

What is the point where one is being judgmental versus not settling for what they don’t want?

I’ve recently went out on a date with a couple more men that I just wasn’t feeling. Trust me when I say, I am trying so hard to be more open… The first man that I went out with seemed sex crazed. Our first conversation, he asked me how long had it been since I had sex. The next conversation, he wanted to know what I slept in. Once, when we went out for drinks, he asked me how often I like to have sex. 😐 This is disturbing!!! Of all the many things you can get to know about me, that’s all you want to know? Maybe ask my favorite color!!! Find out what I went to school for? What do I do for a living? To top it all off, he invited me to lunch, prior to the drinks, and was confused as to why I didn’t eat prior to arriving. WTF!!! Then had the nerve to ask when he could come to my place. Eerr uuuhhh NEVER!!

The second man that I met… and here I was really trying to be open and he was a nice guy. I knew he was divorced with two kids when I met him, ok let’s get that out there because it’s important to know. I find out, soon after meeting him, that he actually has 3 kids, is unemployed, and lives at home with his parents. People, I got so quite he thought that I hung up on him. I would never do that btw, it’s just plain rude, but I had to let him go. I felt so bad, he told me that I gave him butterflies. Welp, I like butterflies too!!! Why should I feel dread in the pit of my stomach?!?

So two people made me feel bad about cutting the guy living with his parents off. People come into hard times I was told. One of his children was from a marriage. He may be trying to get back on his feet and that’s why he lives at home with his parents. That’s all well and good. I know people go through hard times, BUT WHY DO HIS HARD TIMES HAVE TO BE MY HARD TIMES?!?!? Maybe, just maybe, he should get his shit together and then think about a girlfriend! IJS, those are my thoughts. Why should I deal with all that he has going on to avoid hurting his feelings?!?!? It hurts my feelings to know that you will expect to always be at my place because you don’t have your own place uuugghhh. It hurts my feelings to know that you want to take a walk on the beach because it’s FREE and not because it’s romantic. NOOOOO!!!!

I met a third man, who talks so slowly and sounds so country it’s frustrating. I swear he is somebody’s grandpa!! I know this is judgmental, but again why do I have to be put to sleep lmao!

Once I met a man who had three kids all the SAME AGE!!! They were not triplets and there were NO twins. I was like oh no no no, must’ve been how you was raised huh?! Lol, I got that from Chris Rock. But really, that’s too much!!!

I have a friend who is also facing a dilemma. She’s been seeing this guy for a couple of months, but not exclusive. She likes him and enjoys spending time with him, but he has Sickle Cell and is in and out of the hospital. Although she likes him, she’s not sure if this is something that she can deal with emotionally. Not only will this take an emotional toll, we must think about the big picture. Whether she has the trait which will likely pass it to their children and the expense of his condition. I honestly do not know what I would do in this position. Is it wrong to move on? Why should she bear this burden? On the other hand, she could be missing out on love. Is she being selfish? I don’t know.

Is it entirely wrong to be judgmental when it comes to matters of the heart and choosing a potential love interest? I’m not sure it is. Is it being judgmental or having standards?


13 Places to Meet Men – Whatcha Think?!

Happy Hump Day Everyone!!!!

I always enjoy reading articles by Paul Carrick Brunson, the Modern Day Matchmaker, he provides such good advice and gives me hope that I will find love. He has an article 13 Proven Places to Meet Men, I clearly must not frequent the right places because I never meet anyone.

1. Church – I have been tossing this idea around, but don’t want to be the heathen in church just to find a man lol. Now, I do want to go to church because I feel that I need to and God is important to me, but I feel guilty that there is a bit of an agenda behind it – finding a man. This next statement may sound horrible but, I don’t want a man who is too “churchy”. I already told you the 10 rules a preacher provided about dating :-|. He also felt like couples should have a chaperone when out on a date!! I don’t think so. Hey, it may work for some people, just not me.

2. Sports Teams- Eeehhh not interested… although it would be good exercise.

3. Hobby and Volunteer Groups – This is a pretty good idea!! The company that I work for offers a lot of volunteer opportunities; I should attend some. Support a cause you care about and mingle. As far as hobbies, I’m thinking about joining a running group… that would also work for sports team, hey twofer!!!

4. Around the Neighborhood – Not my neighborhood … Wait, I do think my neighbor is pretty good looking hhmm

5. Introduced by Family – I’m open to this… My mom kind of introduced me to a guy, but he was too young and too much of an alpha male (his words, not mine), I already felt the issues and we only had one conversation!! A headache I don’t need. What he said that turned me off: “… tell your friend that there is a new sheriff in town…” he may have been joking, but I didn’t like it. He thought I was out with guys because I said I was out with a friend. He should not have assumed. It made me think he would be jealous and possessive!!

6. Large Social Events – The article mentioned the Essence Festival, which I wanted to go to, but no one else did. Tampa has events too, it just seems that everyone is coupled up at them.

7. Someone You’ve Known Since Childhood – I rarely see people that I’ve known since childhood, although I’ve been on a role lately. I saw a guy I grew up with in the grocery store and a guy I went to high school with on a cruise. Ohh I went on a cruise, let’s call it a date in Cozumel!! I had a great time!!

8. A Public Space – Grocery store, gas station, etc… This can happen. Remember the guy in the mall? I also met someone at Target once, but he looked too old. I could probably meet more people, but sometimes when I’m in the grocery store I’m in a zone with headphones in, which me unapproachable 😦

9. At College – Been there done that. No more education for me, let’s see how far my Masters gets me. So far it isn’t working lol j/k kinda

10. At a House Party or Social Gathering – He discusses Flow Dating, which is supposed to be more interesting than speed dating. Two of my friends tried speed dating last weekend and one of them is going out tonight with someone that she met!! I wish her luck.

11. Introduced by a Friend – I trust my friends, but considering we’re all single… this won’t happen. If she doesn’t want him, I probably won’t either.

12. At the Bar or Club – I don’t know about the club, but definitely happy hour. My guy doesn’t like going to the club! I know I shouldn’t judge because if I’m there, he can be there, but I don’t go often… Brunson found that 18.8% of couples met in the club. I wish I knew the age group of the 18%, that makes a big difference.

13. On the Job – this may very well be true. Brunson found that 20.2 % met on the job. There are men at my job that I see are on the same dating sites that I was on. So we are right under each other’s noses and just don’t realize it. We all need to get to volunteering!! The job may also be too close, unless you work for a large company. Luckily for me, I DO!!

These are pretty reasonable places; guess I just need to keep my eye peeled.
I have a date on Saturday so I’m still pretty active, hopefully someone turns into something more. I’ll keep you posted.



My Educational Weekend

Happy Hump Day!!!

I went to a day party this weekend and had a great time!!!!! I need to attend more!!

Recently, one of my male friends told me that I am unapproachable. I hear this often, although I’m not sure why I am unapproachable generally speaking. Saturday at the day party, I was conscious of my actions to learn why I am unapproachable at a party. Let me first say that I know that I am unapproachable when I go to the club; it’s intentional. I really don’t want anyone talking to me… but, maybe if I am more approachable in one setting then I’ll be more approachable in ALL settings. So these are the things I noticed that I do.

1. I make faces when I see something crazy. I know it’s not nice to judge, but sometimes people wear the craziest things!!!! I mean just downright WRONG, but like I said who am I to judge. My face doesn’t know that though… I swear it has a mind of its own. I think I get that from my mother. I’m working on this!! Keep a smile on my face at all times!!

2. I cross my arms. I know that closes me off, I’m working on it. It seems weird to just have my arms dangling, I don’t know. I guess I just need to keep a drink in my hand.

3. I am always standing in the back or the middle of my friends. I understand that a group of women can be intimidating to a man. We had a discussion about it at work one day. This guy likes my friend, but wouldn’t come to the table to speak to her with four other women at the table… that’s another story. I rarely go out alone, not to a party anyway, it’s generally four to five of us. I guess guys don’t want to get rejected in front of a group of women.

4. When I’m not in the back, I am standing with my back to the party facing my friends. I’m not sure why I do that, I’m usually just running my mouth or something. PROBLEM!!!! I already have my friends… I need to be facing the ACTION!

5. I don’t give eye contact; I look past people. Well sometimes I give eye contact. It really just depends. It seems when I give eye contact, the wrong person sees it!!! Saturday, I tried soooo hard to avoid this man’s gaze that it was awkward. Now I’m thinking, what if someone saw me breaking my neck to not acknowledge this man and thought that I was being rude.

So, I really paid attention to myself and learned a lot. I’m working on everything!!! The weird thing is, the type of guy that I like probably would never approach me anyway… well, maybe if I was off by myself he would. I’m not much for the smooth talkers, thanks to the frigg, I think they are full of shit!

So I am going to be a new approachable me! We’ll see how that works out… Maybe it’s not me being unapproachable, maybe it’s men being scared!! Hhmmm interesting!!


Life Can Be So Full Of Disappointments

Hi everyone, I hope you had a great weekend.

I had a pretty good weekend. I went out to dinner on Friday and Saturday, I love eating out. Later Saturday night, I celebrated with my favorite Bridezilla, Minyon… Happy birthday girlie!! I hung out with some of my stars – no 403s, lol. Got pressured into doing hookah and think I lost 6 minutes of my life and killed some brain cells. Thanx guys!! Sunday I had a fun filled day of bowling, playing games, and finished it off with some pizza. What more could a girl ask for?!

I know… I can ask to not get disappointed by folks, but that’s too much.

I’ve been thinking… They say that if you don’t expect anything, you won’t get disappointed. That’s a philosophy that I need to adopt and live by! I’m constantly being disappointed! I find myself thinking more about other people’s feeling than people think about mine. That is unacceptable and is going to come to an end!

I had a conversation with one of my girlfriends the other day about how men seem to think women are stupid. Is that really true? Do men really think they are so slick and that they are pulling something off? I know that I let some things go. Just because I don’t say anything doesn’t mean that I don’t think anything. Here is a prime example…

For several months this one guy who claimed to be interested in me would send me messages and photos. The issue was, he wasn’t sending them just to me and I knew this, but I never said anything. I just made a mental note and kept my eye on it. One day like six months later, I finally told him that when he sends me a message I can see everyone else that he sends the message to. His response was that he knew. Lying ass bastard. I hate when my intelligence is insulted. The next message that he sent, was just too me. I guess he was trying to conserve his text. Ugh there is nothing worse than a liar! Can’t stand cowards!! As my friend would say, he’s a frigg!!

Hopefully, I helped him out and none of the other girls he was sending the messages to has figured it out. I like to help where I can.

FYI, he’s not the one who disappointed me… That I’ll keep to myself.

On a side note… I was prepared to talk about something else today, but I figured that it wasn’t my business and I didn’t want to come across as catty, but what I will say… to the sad and pathetic woman who thinks that she is keeping such a great secret, WE KNOW… I want to be the first to say congrats on your upgrade from a man that used to beat you to a man who cheats on his wife with you. I hope that your mate, life partner, husband, or whoever is unfortunate enough to wind up with you doesn’t treat you with the same disregard and disrespect that your current boyfriend treats his wife! He must really think highly of you, you’re not the first and you won’t be the last

What have I taken from this!! Men are nothing but a disappointment!!


11 Ways to Be Happier!!!

Hey everyone, I hope that you have been having a great week.

This year is going by soooo fast! We are nearly to the halfway mark and I’ve fallen off of most of my New Year’s Resolutions :-(! I’ve been to the gym a handful of times and worked out maybe one or two of those time. Oh I did buy Rocking Body; that counts for something!! I have stuck to the resolutions to cut back on spending money at work and eating out all the time, but that may be because the café at work literally makes me sick and my student loans are cutting into my leisure fund! Damn expensive ass education!!

All in all, I’m doing alright and I am pretty happy. I read an article, “11 Ways to Be Happier This Year”, it gave some helpful tips for when the happiness number dips…

1. Raise your default happiness level – Mine is generally between 7 and 8; I’m looking to be a 9.5!!! I figure 10 would be too much to ask for…
2. Make happy friends – I believe I’m the happy friend and I’m at my friend max… so… this wont work for me.
3. Spend more times on relationships – I think I’m pretty good at this, which is why I can’t add any more friends… don’t wanna get spread too thin lol
4. Have more sex with your spouse – This sounds like a good one… I’m working on it lol
5. Be grateful – I can definitely admit that I have a blessed life!
6. Be generous – Does this count? My sister just bullied me into donating to some cause she didn’t even explain that somehow involves my nephews daycare… my nieces and nephews always hitting me up for some sort of fundraiser… I need kids to balance this out… I’d also give more if I didn’t have to repay my student loans! Maybe I should get a doctorate, I was just talking about this at lunch…
7. Focus on security, not money – Easier said than done.
8. Spend on experiences rather than objects – Living social has been a great aide with this, those who don’t have it, GET IT!
9. Take some R&R – Get plenty of that, I don’t need an excuse to vacation! I ♥ NY
10. Go back to nature – If it’s not the beach, I can’t appreciate nature, too many bugs!!
11. Try therapy – Ehh between my one semester of psychology and Dr. Phil, I think I got it under control lmao. Y’all can come see me for some advice!


I’m not really sure what needs to happen to boost my happiness level, maybe it’s unreasonable to ask to be a 9.5. I am happy with my 8 for now and will work on boosting it on those rainy days. Everyone check out the article, it’s pretty interesting.



Give Dough Boy A Chance!!??

You Incomplete MeHi everyone, I hope you had an amazing weekend. I sure did!

Today, I want to talk about a dilemma a friend of mine is having. My friend, Strawberry Mary, is single and ready to mingle. She tried online dating and met a few men, but nothing really came out of it. She said she is done with online dating, but also can’t seem to meet anyone in the real world.

She recently told me that she has a male friend, we’ll call him Dough Boy, which she has known for about 10 years. He has recently come back into her life and expressed an interest in pursuing a relationship with her. He is an attractive man, who seems to have himself together… Here is the dilemma… She feels there is no spark between them.

See Strawberry Mary has a type… she wants a man who is hard, not in a bitch where’s my dinner kinda way, but in a manly man alpha male kinda way. She thinks Dough Boy is too soft for her. She gave me two examples of what classifies him as soft; he cuts his shrimp and he cuts his corn off the cobb… sooooo… One of my other friends said that he may have had braces which is why he doesn’t bite into things! I think Strawberry Mary is just nitpicking… You know when you don’t like someone and EVERYTHING they do it annoys you? OMG stop breathing so hard and sucking up all the air!! I think it’s one of those situations.

I think that she may need to step outside of her box. Try something new. It’s clear he has feelings for her. No, he may not be the alpha male of the year, but he may be a good man who will treat her with respect unlike some of the last fellas. Sometimes when you stray from your “type” you get the best relationships. I think that she should spend time with him and be open to the potential of what if… she may be pleasantly surprised. She could be the Yin to his Yang. No point in having two alphas in a relationship. It’s not like he cries at Publix commercials or anything! I definitely don’t think she should settle or attempt to force anything, that wouldn’t be fair to either one of them, but what’s wrong with giving it a chance? A Fair Chance!

I don’ know, that’s my two cents. What do you guys think? Should she give him a chance?

No More Dating Games!

Hi everyone! I hope all is well. I think I lost 10lbs, but I could’ve possibly gained 10lbs, or maybe my weight didn’t move at all and my scale is just broken!! Who knows! My scale reads something different every time I get on and I just take the best number as accurate lol!

So the other day I was talking to my male friend Dew Dew, gotta love the nick names lol… Wait let me rewind and come back to this.

So as those you who have been following my blog know, this year I have been actively dating after a two year hiatus and the end of a four year relationship. It’s been fun and aggravating all at the same time. Since I haven’t dated in years, I’ve been reading several books, blogs, and articles on dating to get filled in on the new new.

Rewind a bit more…

I went to a singles retreat last year hosted by a church. The pastor mentioned that he did not like Steve Harvey’s book. He felt like the book was teaching people how to play a game and relationships should not be viewed as a game… I don’t remember what else he said and I didn’t necessarily agree with what he said… He lost me somewhere along the way when he shared the 10 rules of dating. I’ll tell you briefly. 1. No sex 2. No Sex 3. No Sex 4. No Sex 5. No Sex 6. No Sex 7. No Sex 8. No sex 9. No Sex 10. No Sex. So there you go!!! Now, I’m not suggesting that you should have sex, but…

Fast forward…

I have been reading “Unmask the Male Mind” by Alexandra Fox. This is a book that I’ve mentioned before, she suggests women to implement the rotation system when dating. The book has a section about what men are supposed to do and what women are supposed to do. Fox says, until a relationship has been established that women should never call men. She said when she was dating, to avoid calling a man she would actually delete his number from her phone and call log as well as delete any text. She figured if he was interested in talking to her that he would call.

This brings us to present. I asked my friend Dew Dew if it’s ok to call a man you’re interested in. His response, “if you want to talk to him just call.” He thinks you shouldn’t be obsessive and stalkerish, but if you want to talk, just call.

Then it hit me!! This is what the pastor was talking about. Why do we play all these silly little games? What is wrong with calling? The phone works both ways! If I’m thinking about a man that I’m interested in during the day, what’s the issue with sending a message just to say, “I hope you are having a good day”? Any man that runs because he crossed my mind, is not worth my time!!

And another thing!! I don’t want to put men on rotation!! I want to date one man at the time and if that doesn’t work out, move on to the next one. I’m pretty charming. As of March 8, Check In has viewed my profile 26 times!!! I’ve never even met him. So can you imagine if I graced him with my presence?!?!? I’d never be able to shake him!! Lol, I’m being silly, but it’s just not me. I get attached, he gets attached and now I have to break someone’s heart. No Bueno!!

So thank you Dew Dew for helping me reach this epiphany. From now on, I’m going to do what I want and what I think feels right for ME. If it works, it works. If it doesn’t, better luck next time!


Implement the Rotation System?!


Hey everyone, I hope you have been enjoying your week. My computer was out of commission for the past few days, but now I’m back!

What have you missed?

A friend and I had a mutual connection with online dating, hahahaha, the pool is too small. It’s all good though, the guy and I never went out or anything.

Another friend had the dilemma of, do you tell a friend what you know…

I had a breakthrough. I proved, unscientifically, a theory that I have about men who pose topless and with cars, but I’ll share that another time.

And now… I have been told that I should think of dating like shopping; men are shirts. You walk around the store and you pick up several shirts, try on a few shirts, put some back, try on some more, and may even leave with a few. So what happens to the two or three shirts you have decided to take home? You wear them. Now what? You don’t really like the shirt as much as you thought and you take it back. What if you do like the shirt? Or kinda like the shirt? What if you like both shirts? Now you’ve got two shirts! You can only wear one shirt at the time! Isn’t it bad to take a shirt back once you’ve worn it, although the tags may still be on? This is so complex to me!

I like to wear one shirt at the time and when I know longer have a use for the shirt or no longer like the shirt, I stop wearing it and move on to another shirt. Guess I’m just weird.

I started reading “Unmask the Male Mind” by Alexandra Fox. The book provides 77 secrets to unmask the male psychology.  Secret 9 (men look away) is that women should implement the “Rotation System.” Women should date three men at a time until the one you are really interested in asks to be exclusive. The author states that the rotation system is how she met the man of her dreams. She suggests, that this system will prevent you from being needy and make a man work harder to have you all to himself. Hhhmm I suppose.

Not sure if I can do this. I worry someone, probably me, will end up getting hurt. The book said, women shouldn’t worry about hurting men because they are used to rejection; just be direct and honest. Damn my kind heart always thinking about other people’s feelings. I had a friend tell me, I really shouldn’t be so concerned because a man probably wouldn’t care anyway… especially if we aren’t exclusive. Sigh!! It’s been a few months and I’m already worn out from dating. To bad my culture doesn’t do arranged marriages; I’d sign up!!

Ladies check out the book, it is definitely an interesting read.



Can You Really be Friends with an Ex?

I hope everyone enjoyed their long weekend, well if you were off for the holiday anyway!

My ex called me the other day because he was in the area and asked what I was doing. I told him that I had plans, which I did. He didn’t exactly ask, but it seemed he wanted to hang out. In the past, I would’ve gone if I was free. Why not? This time I wondered… Would I have met up with him if I didn’t have plans? I’m not sure.

Can you really remain friends with an ex? Maybe friend is too strong of a term. People do use the word friend too loosely. Everyone you talk to is not a friend, everyone you associate with is not a friend. So maybe the better question is, can you associate with an ex? Can you maintain a relationship with an ex?

I’ve been single for two years and now that I’m dating; I’ve started thinking more about it. My ex and I don’t hang out or spend time together, but we do talk every now and again… It’s not even that often. We don’t talk about us, we don’t talk about relationships. I don’t even know if he’s dating anyone. We basically talk about work, our family, and friends. I never concerned myself before, because I had no one to talk to and I know he’d listen and vice versa.

I have not thought about my ex and I getting back together for a long time. I really don’t even think I could be with him now. Things I put up with because I was in love, will likely annoy the shit  out of me now!! He is not a bad guy AT ALL, don’t get me wrong, just some annoying things… Ya’ll know what I mean. No more rose colored glass. I have moved on, but is it time that we really part ways and stop communication? We don’t have kids or anything linking us together, so there is no real reason for us to remain in contact.

I’m not in a committed relationship at this time, but I’ve been seeing someone that I like and I’d hate for communicating with my ex to become a potential issue. I have no reason to suspect that it will, but I would have a big problem if the role was reversed. I would wonder why he was holding on.

I was reading “Cosmopolitan” The Case for a Clean Break. They think it is possible to be friends after a breakup, but my question is… WHY? If you wanted me in your life, we’d still be together. These are the steps they provided for a clean break up, do it like a band aid!

1. Lose His Number – Well, I know it by heart… so that’s no help…

2. Call in Reinforcements- Eeehh, it’s not that serious

3. De-friend Him – That was easy enough, he had no social media and I did de-friend his friends that were on Facebook. Score one for Natalie!!

4. Give yourself space – I never gave myself space. Here is the problem! We never stopped talking; it just gradually became less and less.

I know in my heart that I would never let my ex interfere with a new potential love, hey he had his chance!! I think talking to him is familiar, but maybe it’s time to build that familiarity with someone else.

What do you guys think?


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