Wishing everyone a very happy and safe Christmas.
It’s holiday time!!!!! You know what that means stress, pressure, and uncertainty lol. The holidays can be a confusing time for people dating. To exchange gifts; not to exchange gifts. Meet the family; don’t meet the family. Spend New Year’s together; spend it apart with friends. Ohhh the dilemmas!! Choices!! What to do?
One of my friends is a bit stressed about meeting mom. She has been seeing this man for a few months now; but they aren’t in a committed relationship yet. She seems to like him, but may be having jitters. When you’ve been single for a while jitters are normal. Anyway… so mom is visiting for Thanksgiving. Nerve wracking right? This could be the determining factor of if she and the guy stay together or not. That’s a lot of pressure. I’m sure it will be fine though; she’s good people 🙂
What about family dinner? Should you invite the person you’ve been dating to dinner? Will that person be overwhelmed? With my parents, siblings, nieces, and nephews there are 12 of us!! That might be a bit much. I’ve met someone that I want to introduce to the family; he asked if he could meet them one by one. I think it’s best to just meet them all at once… when you meet them all at once you just blend in. When it’s one on one all the attention is on YOU. Be prepared for an interrogation!
Gifts are another thing to consider… how soon is too soon to exchange gifts? Should you talk about it? Should you just buy a gift if you want and don’t worry about receiving anything in return? If you do decide to exchange gifts, what do you get? Men are hard to shop for, socks, tie pin… you don’t want to get something too big… those are crappy gifts though. I’m not going to worry about it. I guess I’ll cross that bridge when I get to it. I have enough gifts to buy anyway, there are 12 of us lol. One of my nephews specifically said no clothes, lmao.
So much uncertainty. You don’t want to be pushy, but you don’t want to be put on the back burner. Do you have to make choices about who to spend the holidays with? Party with your friends on NYE or a romantic night? Or both party and then romance, ahhh best of both worlds ;-). Are women the only ones who worry about these things? Probably. I think we worry too much. Well, I’m not going to worry or think about anything. I’m happy and I’m just going to go with the flow. I’m drifting peacefully with a cool drink in my hand.
On another note. I got a new job!! I’m still with the bank, it’s a promotion, and one step closer to where I want to be. I am extremely excited about this opportunity and can’t wait to start on Monday.
Hola, Como estas?
I went on a Girls Getaway to Puerto Rico and had a BLAST! I would’ve posted a pic that included them, but I feel weird about putting other people’s image out there.
My friends and I went to Puerto Rico for Labor Day weekend, there were eight of us in total . I will admit, that I was smidge nervous about traveling with so many women especially since I have never traveled with some of them, but it was actually an awesome experience. Bonding. Relaxing. Laughing. Partying. Drinking. What more does one need in a fabulous vacation? A man and sex probably!
We didn’t all stay in one room, but there was enough of us in one room where I mentally prepared myself for aggravation. I’m the type of person who does not like to waste my day, it drives me crazy when people are slow and take hours to get up and ready. This was NOT that experience, I don’t know how we did it, but we were up and out in under two hours most days. The first day we woke up around 630 am to catch our 8 am bus to go to El Yunque rainforest. Not only were we early for the bus, we were able to sit down to breakfast AND go to the gift shop for water and water shoes. I was impressed!!
For the most part, we managed to do everything together. Another thing that I was a little worried about. Usually when there are so many people no one wants to do the same thing. Not us!! We went to El Yunque rainforest, Old San Juan, The Bacardi Distillery, La Placita to party (met some guys), the beach…. It was amazing! When people weren’t feeling good and went back or stayed in the room, it was all good. On another note, I don’t know what the bartenders in PR put in their drinks, but they taste like juice, yet the next morning I struggled to get my life, lol. My head was like, “bittcchhhh, you need to chill today.” I didn’t chill tho, I don’t listen, I went to Bacardi to learn how to make three drinks. I’m a certified pro, according to the distillery anyway. I actually think the rum cured my headache. Thank you Bacardi!!
We did have one sketchy moment where I thought, Oohhh laawwd, my sis ‘bout to lay them hands on somebody. So, three of us were walking down the street and we were talking about something that occurred earlier in the day. For some reason this group of young girls thought we were talking about them. When I walked past them I said, “have a good night ladies” and kept going chatting with my friends. Apparently they started talking trash and my sister, who is the smallest of the group, turned around and started to pop off. Now of course that means I gotta turn around, cause what you not ‘bout to do is talk crazy to my sister. Only I can do that, hehe. My friend extinguished the situation. Brawl and arrest averted, I just can’t… I saw this meme on Facebook and it said, we are in the backseat of a police car and I turn to you and say… I said, “I can’t with you” my sister said, “hehe, my bad.” FYI, my sister claims she is shy, side eye on that one!
We had such a good time, we decided to have an annual trip. We’re thinking about Turks and Caicos for next year. Except for one friend who is engaged, we are all single, so hopefully this is something we can continue. These are relationships I hope to maintain. You always hear people say that women can’t be friends. I beg to differ, I have a great circle of friends. Why do people think that women can’t be friends with other women? Maybe it is they who can’t be friends, hhmm something to consider.
Have you ever met someone that you were kind of interested in, started spending time with, but wound up in an undefined zone? Not quite friends, but not really dating or in a relationship. You’re really not even sure where it’s going or where you want it to go. I have a friend who is experiencing this and it seems to be a zone of uncertainty and confusion.
Let me fill you in on the deets…
I have a friend who met a man who seems to be a genuine person. He is the appropriate age, she finds him attractive, employed, kind hearted, etc. He has a daughter, is an involved father, and doesn’t seem to have any baby mamma drama. According to her, he has a great sense of humor and always makes her laugh. She finds him to be caring, thoughtful, and an overall pleasant person.
Why is my friend considering placing this man in the friend zone? I’m going to preface my next few thoughts with this… People like what they like. People are attracted and drawn to certain physical traits and personalities, whatever they may be. I suggest, there is nothing wrong with that and that it’s natural. I went to a seminar held by a preacher who wrote a book on dating and he stated that rule #1 was to be attracted to person you are with. It is important to make sure that you get what you like!
I said all of that to say, there are some things that she has an issue with… his height, his profession, and his taste in certain things. I’m sure at this point some of you are rolling your eyes and saying, “This is why women can’t find a good man,” blah blah blah… Consider if you were in her shoes. Just because someone will date a person who is 4 inches shorter than they are doesn’t mean that a person who will not is a bad person. I don’t know if I would want to date someone who is 6’8 so why should she have to date someone who is 5’6 if it’s not appealing to her. He’s not going to grow; it is what is. His height is something that she will have to take or leave, she may opt to leave.
They are in different stages of their careers; he is a customer service rep. I will be the FIRST to say as long as you’re not robbing me, I can respect your job. You may make less than me, but you are making a honest living and I am happy. BUT should a CEO date the cafeteria guy? They are in completely different places. Now the difference between the professions of these two are not that extreme, but you get my point. It may not be “right” but that’s life. She’s not in her 20’s and is thinking about the big picture. I suggested that she discuss goals with him; this job may just be a temporary situation while he works on big moves.
She’s also not feeling his style. This can be changed, but again you have to be into your man from his dress to the car he drives. If he likes those old school long cars with the spinning rims and you just have a regular Corolla, his car could be a bit much. Now you have to take your car everywhere because you are embarrassed of his. This can become a headache especially if he isn’t contributing to gas. I don’t know about where you live, but gas is expensive. These things matter!
So my friend is torn. She likes him, enjoys talking to him, and spending time with him, but isn’t sure how she feels about the things that I mentioned. It is very clear that he has feelings for her so if she does friend zone him, more likely than not, their friendship will end. This has got to be a tough spot to be in. If she feels this way he may not be the guy for her, but he also very well could be. Sometimes you have to step out of your comfort zone. Sometimes what you like and are generally attracted to, may not be what is best for you. However, why force yourself to be in a situation that you aren’t 100% comfortable with. If she liked him that much she probably would care. I’m not even sure what I would do. Maybe she should just ride it out and enjoy his company until she is forced to make a choice. Is that inconsiderate? Poor fella probably has no idea.
Let’s reflect… I’ve had a pretty good 2013. Right now I’m sitting, alone, in a restaurant that I’ve never been in before. Old Natalie liked to stick to what she knew, my friend Raya would be so proud. It’s an organic vegetarian & vegan restaurant at that!
This year, I’ve experienced some new thing and accomplished a few things.
1. I started going to church, alone.
2. I started my blog and an outline of my book.
3. I went on several interesting dates.
4. I met a man that I like, yaye!!! 🙂
5. I’m leaving the year with the same friends that I entered the year with; that’s always a good thing. I also made some new friends at work and through mutual friends. My circle is expanding with positivity.
6. I have a new position at work and it’s a promotion!!
7. I’ve been consistent with my weight. Still wearing the same size; can’t be mad at that!
8. I’m in good health; the family is in good health.
9. I went on two great vacations.
Pretty good 2013 if I do say so myself. I’m ready to tackle the New Year and have made some resolutions.
1. To be more active in church. I’ve been slacking 😦
2. To make exercise a CONSISTENT part of my life – I will definitely need some motivation for this one… uugghh why is working out so hard? I need to get into a groove. Someone was supposed to have me salsa dancing by now, I wont name any names, Tasha. I think that I am going to have to do a boot camp or something. Something that will be a scheduled part of my life. I did a boot camp once at USF and I really enjoyed it. I’m going to look into that… it’s kinda cold out right now though… ok no excuses
3. Eat a healthier diet – I’ve been doing alright in this aspect. My house has no juice, soda, or snacks. I can offer my guest water and peanuts lmao. I just need to get more fruits and veggies in my life. I have made the decision to no longer eat fast food and begin an organic lifestyle.
4. Decrease the amount of money I spend eating out – I am so weak in this area. I LOVE eating out!! I have decided to practice the cash rule, once it’s gone no eating out. At least I don’t have to worry about fast food… McDonalds et al will NEVER see another cent of my money. Those who know me, know that I do mean NEVER.
5. Focus more time or writing – Blog more often, while still ensuring that I’m not blogging for the sake of blogging. Focus on my book because right now it’s a skeleton lol. Less TV, more reading and more writing.
I think those are quite realistic and attainable goals; I am hoping for a prosperous 2014 and wishing everyone the same.
HAPPY NEW YEARS!!
I went to dinner a few weeks ago with my friends and the topic of discussion was: Questions to ask a man. Not any man, but a man that you are interested in dating. What better way to get to know someone than to interrogate them lol.
Most of the questions were regular…
ARE you married? Have you ever been married? Do you have any kids? What do you do for a living? You know the usual… There was only one question that really stood out and had to be discussed.
Have you ever been with a man? Sexually? My friend asked a man this question on their first date and his response was, “What do you mean by that?” WRONG ANSWER! So that was the last date. I went on a first date a few weeks ago and I asked him too. His response was, “What? No! What kind of question was that?” His response was so funny. I’m actually laughing right now thinking about it. I was going to ask him with drink in his mouth, but I figured that would just be mean. I actually asked a male friend this question today, the expression on his face was priceless. It was just blank, like, no you didn’t.
When is an appropriate time to ask such a question? Is the first date too soon? If it’s a deal breaker, I suppose it would be best to get it out the way. No point in meeting and potentially liking someone for them to drop the bomb on you two months in that they are bi or homosexual. How awkward would that conversation be? Although there is absolutely nothing with being gay and I completely support gay rights; I’m not really trying to date a gay man. It’s not on my list lol.
I think it would be awkward to bring it up on the FIRST date? I know that I did, but I prepared him. It was the day after the dinner so I told him the conversation that we had. Under different circumstances though, wouldn’t it be a bit of a turn off to ask such a personal question so soon? I don’t like when men bring up sex on the first date; it says something. Wouldn’t this pretty much be in the same category?
Is this an offensive question to ask a straight man? Would an Alpha Male be ready to flip the table over for trying his “manhood?” Should you only ask if you have a feeling that he may be homosexual?
Oh the questions! It had us discussing.
My mom’s thought on the question was, you shouldn’t bother to ask because he will likely lie anyway if he wants to hide it. There was a collective TRUE at the table, lol.
Anyway, any thought? Too touchy of a subject? I mean the truth always comes out anyway, right?
My girlfriends and I have such great lunch conversations that we almost forget that we are in the cafeteria at work!!! Incited by a blog post, today we talked about why women ignore red flags. We’ve all done it!! We know that something is not right, yet we hang around to see if things will change. We make excuses, we attempt to justify his actions, and we pretend that things are going to get better. Why?
Women are so quick to forgive a man’s shortcomings. Men, not so much in return. Is it because men are in such short supply and they have the upper hand? They want to pick the attributes that will contribute to their gene flow. Women overlook the enormously big head and pray for a normal dome during child birth. Woman are like, eehh he’s not that bad… we can change this… we can work on that….
NOOOOOO!!!! This needs to stop. Men are not projects. When we see red flag after red flag we should take the closest exit.
1. If he ONLY texts you. PROBLEM. I get we live in an age when we do a lot of texting, but when you are really trying to get to know someone you need to talk on the phone sometimes. Why can’t he call?
2. If he gives you a lame excuse as to why he can’t call. PROBLEM. Oh my dog keeps sneezing. Uhm ok, go into another room!
3. If he can only call during work hours or when he is outside of the home. PROBLEM. Last time I experienced this, he was living with a woman.
4. If he can only plan dates during the work week. PROBLEM. A single man, regardless to how busy he is, will make time for who and what he wants to make time for. It’s not like you’re dating President Obama, but even he has time for Michelle.
5. The texts that he sends to you automatically delete from your phone. Yeah there is an app for that. PROBLEM. Who is he hiding the messages from? When the shit hits the fan, who does he not want you to show the messages to?
6. He doesn’t keep his dates with you, something always comes up where it has to be canceled. PROBLEM. If a man can’t keep his word, he’s not much of a man.
Why do we ignore these types of red flags or attempt to justify his actions? I’ve done it too, I can’t even really explain why. Like I said in my previous post, a man will drop a woman like a scorching rock handed to him by the devil; women try to hold on.
We set the tone of the relationship by what we will or will not accept. We can not complain about what we allow to happen to us; we teach people how to treat us. Does this mean that we may stay single a little longer? Maybe. Does it mean that we will end up happier with the right man? Definitely!
Have you ever met someone that you just didn’t like, but felt bad for not liking? You don’t really DISLIKE that person; you just don’t want to date them. I think it’s the most awkward feeling especially when you know that the person likes you. What is it all about? Is it attraction? Is it chemistry? Is it being picky? What is it?
I always felt like when I met the person that I will develop a relationship with that I would know… IT’S HIM!!! Maybe I should go ahead and drop that notion. Maybe I could like this man, in time, maybe :-(. There isn’t anything wrong with him, I just dont think he’s for me. Although I will admit, my “It’s him” radar has been faulty to say the least. It may need a recalibration or something. Everytime I meet someone that I think I could see myself with, it goes south for one reason or another. There havent been many, like two and a possible, but still.
My friend thinks that I’m torturing myself. I wouldn’t say it is torture, more so doing something I don’t necessarily want to do… at least under the pretense of dating, maybe as just friends. I think we could be friends, but then I ask myself. If you like someone enough to be their friend, why can’t you be their “girlfriend?” Is the friend line used just to soften the blow?
I think this person is just not what I want. That’s ok, right? Of course it is. My sister asked, “What if what you want, isn’t what you need?” Ugh… I don’t know about that; a question that I didn’t anticipate. BUT even if that is true, I would like to get what I need with a spoon full of sugar and a chaser of what I WANT. Maybe I want too much. I’m just rattling at this point. It helps me sort my thoughts…
All I know is that I am not being fair to another person. I’m not mean or anything, but my heart is not in it. I also know that a man would drop me like a freaking scorching hot rock handed to him by the devil and not answer my calls or texts if it were the other way around. So why the heck am I putting myself through this? Anyway this has been therapeutic. I’m still not sure what I should do, but I have to make a decision soon.
Some people, they know who they are, seem to believe that I am being too picky! That I’m like the man on the roof or was it the man in a boat…. I forget…and I keep sending people away who may have been sent for me. So I had to reflect, Nat is this true? I am the common denominator. Did I meet the man of my dreams and not realize it?! HECK NO!!! Since my ex and I broke up, I can admit, that I have been out with a lot of men, however most of them were just one or two dates. Also important to know, most of them I met online.
A man that I briefly dated about two years ago told me the other night that he is thinking about proposing to his present girlfriend. I think that is great! It didn’t work between us, but he has found love. Now, for those of you who are thinking that could’ve been me… no it couldn’t have been. He wasn’t meant for me. If we stayed together, I could’ve been blocking his blessing. There is no point trying to make something work that just wont. We have kept in touch, we talk every now and again, and he motivates me when it comes to my book. It’s ok if that is my place in his life and mine in his.
I came across an article Unsure if You’ve Met ‘The One?’ Six Key Things to Consider. I considered these things as I thought about the men that I have met. I don’t necessarily think there was anything wrong with SOME of the men that I met, they just weren’t for me. Others were just plain crazy!!
1. Ambition – you have to meet someone who shares your same level of ambition. Other than meeting the man who was damn near 40 and still lived with his parents. I don’t think I’ve met anyone with poor ambition. Oh, I did meet the man who claimed to be a preacher and complained about living in the hood, but would only work a part time job! Can’t complain about the situation if you aren’t going to work towards fixing it. Get two part time jobs!! Do whatever you need to do to fix your situation OR STOP COMPLAINING!
2. Core values – It’s important to share core values, otherwise conflict will arise. If you are a time out person and he’s a don’t spare the rod person that screams potential issues when it comes to child rearing. A met a man once who had a daughter, she must’ve been about two at the time, he would curse at this little girl like she was a man on the street. I knew then, PROBLEM! That couldn’t be my daughter. I’d likely end up in jail. Lord knows I can’t survive that. I need to be free!
3. Intelligence – The article said that a difference in the level of intelligence can cause frustration and a sense of inequality. I can attest to this. I dated someone once who said, “Why are you always trying to teach me something?” I honestly didn’t know that I was. I thought we were just having conversation. I met another man who said that he ate Trix yogurt once and it gave him a cavity!! I thought he was joking, what rational logical thinking person would believe that? HIM!! It wasn’t going to work.
4. Emotional intelligence – This relates to ones interpersonal skills that foster harmony and closeness in relationships. The qualities include empathy, cooperation, compassion, humor, impulse control, etc. This is an important one. I’m not sure if I shared this, but I spoke to a man ONCE and I felt he was hostile and aggressive …that night I had a dream that he raped me. That wasn’t going to work. His interpersonal skills were poor to say the least.
5. Spiritual beliefs – This is pretty self-explanatory. If you go to church regularly and are a believer, you can’t date an atheist. It just isn’t going to work. A family that prays together stays together. I love when I see couples in church, although I have no idea what’s going on in their home.
6. Grooming, weight management, and other personal habits – This too speaks for itself. You all know how I feel about this. I love a well groomed man, grown man swag. Weight is a touchy issue, I mean we are all overweight. I think our country has recently dropped from number 1 to number 2 for the fattest country. Shoot, I’m not exactly skinny, lol, but I try to be healthy and that is all I can ask. I lost like 7lbs this month and I am surrounded by friends who have a healthy lifestyle. I can’t have a man taking me back to unhealthy eating. My ex and I gained like 20lbs together!!
With ALL of that said. Have I met the one? NO, I haven’t. Of course I have met guys that I have like and could see myself with, actually about two or three I think, but in the end. It just wasn’t meant to be. I am positive, that the right one will find his way into my life. All I can do is be open, honest, and perceptive.
I’ve been MIA lately and unmotivated, but that’s a problem that I’m working on. I have started going to church and I love it! I’m so happy! I get praise/worship, a meaningful message, and an overall blessed experience in an hour and 45 minutes. I couldn’t ask for anything more!!
I am also going to start volunteering at the Boys and Girls Club. Doing my part for the community :-). I’m actually excited about this experience. I generally have low tolerance for other people’s kids, but I think this will be good for me.
I’ve still been having a great time with some of the best friends ever. My sis and I had a debate over who is the nicest in our circle. Of course I think it’s me, she thinks it’s her. It’s me… I’m a sweetheart!
As far as dating… I can honestly say it has been an interesting experience these past nine months. Gotta thank my sis-in-law for convincing me to sign up. Everyone knows someone who knows someone who met someone online and it worked out. I’m starting to think that it is the exception and not the rule. I must admit that I have met a few nice guys, who I wish well, and two I guessss I can call a friend in as loose a sense that the word can be used. The others were just strange.
The last fella that I met takes the cake!! I met a Joke! He is the one who made me say to myself, NAT WHAT ARE YOU DOING!!!??
He and I meet for the first time at Blue Martini and he buys my five friends and I drinks. Kinda weird… I protested… he insisted… so hey, knock yourself out. My friends and I nicknamed him 60/70 the amount the bill came to. He was giving my male friends the side eye, which I didn’t like, but maybe that’s what guys do. So he sounds like a nice guy right? What’s the problem you ask? He was soo vulgar and full of shit.
One day he sends me a text message, I’m not even really sure why. He tells me how he met a woman for the first time and had sex with her that day. He proceeds to tell me about her genitals, its appearance, the experience, and how it’s ok to have sex on the first date. Why he felt that was important for me to know, I have no idea. It is not my concern what other women do. This woman, isn’t going home with you because you bought my friends some drinks. I was not impressed!
On another instance, he tells me that he needs to determine if we are sexually compatible because he fell in love with his last girlfriend and then had to break up with her because they weren’t sexually compatible. My response to that, you must not have loved her that much. He also stated that is important for him to know if a woman smells good down there. Those are his words, not mine!!!
This is all in the span of two weeks. I tell him it’s not going to work. His response, No Shit! Later, 60/70 texts me… What about your light skin friend, then what about your dark skin friend? WTF… dude are you serious? You are trying to talk to my friends. Long story short. I had to let him know… My friends don’t like you, they don’t want to get to know you, and they aren’t interested in talking to you in. IN FACT they don’t want ME talking to you.
So you would’ve thought that would’ve ended it. Nope! He sends me a text saying he’s tired of being single so we should just work it out and be together. That was the end of the road for me. You know what, have a nice life sir. He oozed desperation. Ohhhh he asked if I was a lesbian. I guess it was just unfathomable that I wouldn’t want to sleep with him. I must be a lesbian to turn him down. YIKES!!
It’s amazing all of the nonsense I endured over two weeks. He wanted to come to my place at 1 in the morning. That isn’t going to happen. He wanted me to meet him at a hotel because he was going to be drinking. That definitely isn’t going to happen.
I’m going to take a bit of a break, but remain open and receptive, and try to focus on other things.
To all of the 60/70s out there. No woman with any sense is going to fall for your sexually compatible nonsense. It’s a joke!! You may come out better if you pretend to get to know someone and hey you may find that you like them.
Marvin Sapp posted on his Facebook Page. “Someone who genuinely cares about you will want to get closer… Not in a sexual way, but they want to know your dreams and passions so they can make them happen.” I completely agree! Waiting on my Boaz!
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