Hi everyone, long time no write. I’ve been preoccupied or as one of my friend’s would say, lazy. I’m not saying that agree with his calling me lazy, but ehhhh it’s not worth the energy to argue. My energy has been focused on working, social life, family, and ohhh dating. I went to a comedy show recently and the comic, whose name I forget although he was hilarious, said dating after 30 is like shopping on Black Friday when it’s nearly over. All of the good stuff is gone and what’s left has been picked over. Even if you do find something good; you get it home and learn that it’s broken 🙂
I try not to complain too much about dating, notice I said try, the struggle is real. I do meet men fairly often, and at this point it’s a numbers game. I figure I’m healthy, smart, attractive, blah, blah, blah all those good qualities a man would want. Right? Right. In my heart, I have no doubt that I will fall in love again eventually. I do have a friend, however, who is not so sure.
Dating with a disease or disability must be a challenge; hell it’s hard as shit as a healthy person. I have a male friend who has Epidermolysis bullosa (EB) and recently started online dating. EB is a genetic disease that causes blisters on the skin and mucosal membranes (Google for more deets). His mom has been nagging him for YEARS to get married. He is from India and two steps away from having his ass arranged if he doesn’t get a move on. So he’s taking action. He’s created a profile and in his about me mentions his disease… being up front and honest I see. I suppose he shouldn’t hide it; it’s a major part of his life.
He found that he isn’t have much luck and believes that if a woman can have a healthy man, why would they want him. My heart goes out to him. He said whenever a woman reaches out to him, he first tells her about the disease and advises her to Google it. My first thought was, WTF would you do that for?! Don’t give her an excuse to discount you especially if it’s already mentioned on your profile. Her bad for glossing over, j/k. She obviously saw whatever she saw, was interested, and reached out to him. Now here he goes and tells her, proceed with caution, read the fine print, and get back to me. After she Googles it or not, who knows, he never hears from her again.
As a woman I can only imagine how hard it would be to start a relationship with a man that has a medical condition. I would think it would be emotionally draining and expensive, but that doesn’t mean that another woman would not be strong enough or willing to handle it. Maybe my friend should have a conversation with the interested woman and see where it goes and allow her to ask questions. Give her a chance to get to know him outside of his disease and not give her an excuse to dash after initial contact.
Other than my friend constantly calling me lazy, he’s a good guy and quit funny. He was born not expected to leave the hospital alive and is now in his 30s. He’s a survivor. He has a good job, is working towards his Master’s, and lives a rewarding life. Why not meet someone with the same condition, you wonder. His condition is genetic and probably isn’t a good idea. I suppose if they never want to procreate, it may be an excellent idea. They will understand each other’s struggle and be wonderful companions.
I wish my buddy the best of luck on his dating journey. Hell, with my luck he’ll probably be married before me. I have always wanted to go to an Indian wedding, I hear they are awesome parties that last for days!!!
Yesterday was International Woman’s Day. Last week at work there was a panel discussion held in recognition of the day. One of the questions asked, who is/was the most influential woman in your professional life? I’ve never had any mentors, educational or professional so I had to give this question some thought.
It was my mother. She has got to be the hardest working woman I know. I remember when I was a child she had multiple jobs to make ends meet. I didn’t appreciate it then, but as an adult, I get it. When I was younger she would get on my NERVES!!! All the time! It wasn’t until I was in my 20s that I could finally appreciate some of the things that she would say. We are actually a lot alike, maybe that’s why she got on my nerves so much. I can say now that I have learned some important things from my mother that helped me become the woman that I am.
It wasn’t until a few year ago that I got a hold on my career trajectory. When I was little I never knew what I wanted to do, I just knew that I wanted to do something creative ie, writing. I would often bring up jobs, “I want to be a physician assistant.” Her response, “why be the assistant when you can be the physician?” It was frustrating then because I felt like she was shooting down my jobs, but she wasn’t. She had her own plans for me, she claimed that I was going to have the corporate life and be a business woman. Sure enough I am in the corporate world and work in project management.
No one is smarter than you
In the instances where I felt like I wasn’t smart enough to do something. She would say, “No one is any smarter than you are. If someone else can do it, you can do it.” It is so true. I may have had to study harder or work harder, but I’ve certainly accomplished the goals I have set forth in life. Don’t take this to mean I’m a genius, Lord knows I’m not. You just have to believe in your abilities.
Don’t compare yourself to others
I learned not to look at other’s circumstances and compare them to my own. Why? All it does is make you miserable. I am me and they are them. Their life is no better or worse, generally speaking, it’s just different. So unless you are looking to someone for inspiration stay in your own lane and travel your own journey. You’ll get there faster because you aren’t focused on the wrong thing. Watching other people will make you take accidental turns.
Don’t be jealous
This falls in line with comparing yourself to others. You shouldn’t be jealous of others possessions or life. You have no idea what it took for them to get to where they are. I’ve met people who if you look at their life from the outside you’d be jealous, but if you only knew the misery and pain they live, you’d be glad to have your life. Instead of being jealous, try to be happy for people. You will find more blessings come your way.
You’ll be alright
I remember when I was buying my house I was so stressed out. I told her if I don’t get this house I’m going to die. Her response, “now that I gotta see. Die?” See those are her annoying moments; gotta love her though. She was supposed to say, “No, it’ll be ok. Don’t worry.” Her response kind of said the same thing. I did get the house, but I know I wouldn’t have died if I didn’t. Dramatic much!
I’ve learned to be confident and I find that things don’t bother me as easily as they used to. I know at the end of the day, I will be ok. I know that if I work hard enough I will accomplish my goals. I’m working on a book and I recently asked my mother, “What if no one wants to read it?” Her response, “What if everyone wants to read it.” Good point! So I will continue on my journey and focus on making me the best me I can be. Thanks Mom!!
Ohhh I’m also really good at giving people silence, got that from her too hehe sorry 🙂
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