MyPuzzlePeace: Piecing It Together

From the Inside In

Archive for the category “30s”

Mr Fix Nothing

What do you do when you feel like your husband is not “masculine” enough?lazy-2
I don’t typically like to subscribe to gender roles, but for the purpose of this discussion the definition of masculinity is… having qualities traditionally ascribed to men, as strength and boldness. A man that isn’t afraid of a little grit and can do some repairs around the house.
I met a woman who is newly wed and currently facing a challenge with her husband. She said she doesn’t find him to be masculine enough and it’s affecting her relationship with him.  Side note* This people is why don’t like to sit at the community table in restaurants; everyone seems to think they can talk to me, just kidding.  I guess I have one of those faces.
So your first thought may be, did she not realize his lack of “masculinity” prior to marrying him? I’m not sure, it sounded to me like they had a long distance relationship prior to being married. She gave me the impression that they did not spend much of their dating time in the same location. That’s not ideal, but not extremely unusual, some people don’t shack up until married. Now that they share a life and a home his laziness, if I may call it that, is coming to light.
Why is she feeling this way? She said, her last boyfriend was a “manly man.” He was the fix shit when it was broken, dirt under his nails, ability to solve a problem, alpha male man. Her husband is apparently the, I’m going to go upstairs to finish my TV show because the repair man’s talking is killing the climatic scene of Luke Cage type.  I can see how that would be frustrating. Going from one man who will fix the broken dishwasher to a man who wont even greet and listen to the repair man is quite a contrast. All she is asking is for her husband to do some stuff around the house; pick up a screwdriver every now and again. Even if it’s just to put it away after she used it to fix something.
Granted, she probably shouldn’t be comparing her husband to her ex boyfriend, but is it wrong to expect your husband to do certain things around the house? It sounds like he expects her to cook and clean. I’m single and I have to snake my own drain, fix my own toilet, fix my own leaky faucet, and  troubleshoot my own household issues.  I don’t have a problem continuing to take care of my home after I get married, but I certainly don’t expect to be taking care of the repairs by myself. Not with a man in the house. If I have to take care of everything myself he might as well not be there, IJS.
This is impacting the way she feels about him, so it’s definitely important to her. You like what you like, but he is who he is. Is it wrong for her to feel this way? What should she do?
Feel free to share your thoughts.
 
NAO

Escapada de Puerto Rico

Hola, Como estas?

I went on a Girls Getaway to Puerto Rico and had a BLAST! I would’ve posted a pic that included them, but I feel weird about putting other people’s image out there.img_2458

 

My friends and I went to Puerto Rico for Labor Day weekend, there were eight of us in total . I will admit, that I was smidge nervous about traveling with so many women especially since I have never traveled with some of them, but it was actually an awesome experience. Bonding. Relaxing. Laughing. Partying. Drinking. What more does one need in a fabulous vacation? A man and sex probably!

 

We didn’t all stay in one room, but there was enough of us in one room where I mentally prepared myself for aggravation. I’m the type of person who does not like to waste my day, it drives me crazy when people are slow and take hours to get up and ready. This was NOT that experience, I don’t know how we did it, but we were up and out in under two hours most days. The first day we woke up around 630 am to catch our 8 am bus to go to El Yunque rainforest. Not only were we early for the bus, we were able to sit down to  breakfast AND go to the gift shop for water and water shoes. I was impressed!!

 

For the most part, we managed to do everything together. Another thing that I was a little worried about. Usually when there are so many people no one wants to do the same thing. Not us!! We went to El Yunque rainforest, Old San Juan, The Bacardi Distillery, La Placita to party (met some guys), the beach…. It was amazing! When people weren’t feeling good and went back or stayed in the room, it was all good. On another note, I don’t know what the bartenders in PR put in their drinks, but they taste like juice, yet the next morning I struggled to get my life, lol. My head was like, “bittcchhhh, you need to chill today.” I didn’t chill tho, I don’t listen, I  went to Bacardi to learn how to make three drinks. I’m a certified pro, according to the distillery anyway. I actually think the rum cured my headache. Thank you Bacardi!!

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We did have one sketchy moment where I thought, Oohhh laawwd, my sis ‘bout to lay them hands on somebody. So, three of us were walking down the street and we were talking about something that occurred earlier in the day. For some reason this group of young girls thought we were talking about them. When I walked past them I said, “have a good night ladies” and kept going chatting with my friends. Apparently they started talking trash and my sister, who is the smallest of the group, turned around and started to pop off. Now of course that means I gotta turn around, cause what you not ‘bout to do is talk crazy to my sister. Only I can do that, hehe. My friend extinguished the situation. Brawl and arrest averted, I just can’t… I saw this meme on Facebook and it said, we are in the backseat of a police car and I turn to you and say… I said, “I can’t with you” my sister said, “hehe, my bad.” FYI, my sister claims she is shy, side eye on that one!

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We had such a good time, we decided to have an annual trip. We’re thinking about Turks and Caicos for next year. Except for one friend who is engaged, we are all single, so hopefully this is something we can continue. These are relationships I hope to maintain. You always hear people say that women can’t be friends. I beg to differ, I have a great circle of friends. Why do people think that women can’t be friends with other women? Maybe it is they who can’t be friends, hhmm something to consider.

 

NAO

For Her. For Him. For Us.

7d7f6ea5184ff4f2d8768924bfbcd0e2 I was listening to For Her by Ricardo Del Rio this morning on Spotify and it made me think about a man I met recently. We went from strangers to I kinda like him, to OMG what did I get myself in to, to good riddance in two weeks. That has got to be a new record for a man pissing me off, lol. This man, in my opinion, had a very structured life and no room for a woman in it. It must be true what people say, don’t stay single for too long because it will be hard to share your life. This guy was 40 and said his last girlfriend was in high school; should’ve been clue number one.

We were somewhat alike, although it didn’t seem that we had much in common. How does that work? I don’t know, but it’s true we were similar just on opposite sides of the spectrum. I was willing to get to know him because he did have qualities that I did like. After a few convos, however, it became clear that it probably wouldn’t work, especially since he said he doesn’t like strong women which I am. He was very much an Alpha Male and we clashed on every topic especially those that involved how he wants to live his life in the future. One day I told him that I feel like he has his whole life planned and just wants a woman who he could plug into her place. Yes, her place.

For Her made me think about how we need to be open to compromise after a certain age for relationships to work. It has been at least 6 years since I had to share my life with another person or consider another person’s feelings. I’m ready, but it didn’t seem to me that he was. You’re probably wondering how did I know that in only two weeks. It was the way he spoke to me, he would not waiver in his ideas, and he was somewhat controlling. I don’t think he was a bad guy, just not a good match for me. Thanks a lot Eharmony, with those commercials that come on every five minutes. Thanks a lot sis-in-law who convinced me to sign up, you both get the side eye. Ha, just kidding, sort of.

Next guy I meet I am going to consider if I come off the same way this dude came off to me. I want the next man to be open to make changes for me, me for him, and we for us.

Is there a such thing as being single too long? What do you think?

Anyway, check out the song, For Her by Ricardo Del Rio on Spotify, it’s pretty cool.

NAO

A Lose, Lose, Lose Situation

Why is it that men think the world revolves around them? They can say and do whatever they please and women are supposed to just accept it. My friend recently called it quits with a guy she had been seeing for a few months and he can’t seem to understand why. They didn’t have a connection, he didn’t get her, and he’s boring. This weekend, however, was the straw that broke the camel’s back. She asked him to hang out and although he agreed he didn’t respond for almost two hours. This man got mad at her for making other plans and going out with me!!

Is he suggesting that she should have waited around for him to decide to show up? Maybe he is suggesting that she should’ve blown up his phone to confirm if they were still going to get together. My friend reached out to him first and his lack of response cost him the opportunity; he can only be mad at himself.

This could’ve played out one of three ways…

  1. She waited around; he came over. This would set a precedence for future behavior. Her acceptance lets him know that he doesn’t need to respond in a timely fashion because he knows that she’ll be there waiting. This is considering she doesn’t go off on him. If she waits around, he comes AND she goes off, now it’s a guaranteed bad night. LOSE!
  2. She waited around, he didn’t come over. She would have been pissed that she wasted her whole night and the potential to meet someone else. She would’ve probably went off on him. LOSE!
  3. She blew up his phone texting and calling to find out where he was and what happened to their plans. This would probably annoy him and bam they would end up in an argument. I’m sure she’d go off on him in this scenario too. LOSE!

As you can see there is no winning in any of the three scenarios and my friend would be stressed out for having to go off on someone. She did the right thing, she went out with me and another friend and we had a great night if I do say so myself. He later told her that she should’ve told him that she was going out. I’d argue, If he had responded that he would have known. If he had any sense, he would recognize his part in the problem. But wait there is more! Two days later, he brought it up and said the most inconsiderate and rude things to her in anger. I believe people are honest when they are drunk and angry. If he didn’t mean it, he wouldn’t have said it. It’s not important what he said, but he crossed the line. Now back to how men think the world revolves around them. Once he cooled off he couldn’t understand why SHE was mad. He made it seem like she was just in a bad mood for no reason and overreacting. He couldn’t acknowledge that he did anything wrong since he didn’t call her a bitch or some other derogatory term.

Sometimes I wonder how society has survived this long. The two weren’t working and this breakup is for the best, but the fact that he doesn’t get it, baffles my mind. Men seem to think they are better catches than they are. I often feel like men and women see the exact same thing completely differently. I say good riddance, but i’m sure someone will say, she should’ve worked it out or all she had to do was send him another text saying she’s heading out. What the hell ever! Did I mention, he didn’t apologize?

NAO

Stop ASKING Insensitive Questions

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I completed my seven days!! It was quite an experience and it allowed me to think and gain some sense of clarity of what I want and where I am going. I made significant progress on my book. I didn’t meet my initial goal, but I will definitely be done by the end of this year. The seven days made me realize how my time I waste doing nothing. NOT COOL!

On to what I want to talk about… People asking questions about your life that is really none of their business.

After my seven days, I went back on Facebook. Everyone goes back to Facebook, it’s like a drug. I actually had no intent to not go back… Anyway…. On my first day back I saw a clip of Tyra Banks on FABLifeShow where she was in tears talking about her struggle to get pregnant. She discussed how she has been trying to get pregnant for years and it’s frustrating, annoying, and hurtful that everyone feels the need to ask, “When are you having a baby?” It may seem to be a simple question, but it’s insensitive and I fully understand.

Granted, I am NOT trying to get pregnant, but I can relate. It is just as annoying when people ask me when I’m going to get married. Why ask me? Why do you care? How does my marital status have anything to do with you? If you are important to me, when I get engaged I will be sure to let you know. Your asking me isn’t going to make me get engaged any sooner. Don’t ask me when I’m having children. I’ll have them or not have them when the time is right. Getting engaged and having children is something that I have no direct control over. I cannot marry or impregnate myself. So basically what I am saying is, stop asking!

I’ve had people ask me, what I am waiting for. Answer, I’m waiting to avoid being a single parent. I’m waiting to be a family unit. I am waiting to have a man in my life that I would like to share my life with. I don’t think that is a problem. Do you? I’ve had people ask me if I am capable to have children. That is the most insensitive question of all! As far as I know, I am, but if I weren’t, thank you for throwing it in my face. So again, what I am saying is, STOP ASKING!

Yes, I realize I’m getting older. I know my age; I’m not stupid. Yes, I realize the older I get the harder it will be to conceive. I’m not stupid. Yes, I know the older I get the riskier the pregnancy. I’m not stupid. This information does not change the fact I am not prepared to have a child, especially considering I am not in a committed relationship. Woman are having babies later in life, I am healthy, and have faith that I will one day have a child. I would love to have a child one day, but having a child does not define and does not make me any more of a woman. I actually read an article that suggested people without children have happier lives, something to consider.

So if you have a single woman in your life. Don’t annoy her with questions you already know the answer to. No she isn’t engaged, if she were you’d know. No she isn’t pregnant, if she were you’d know. Yes, she is aware of her fertility and does not need a medical lesson from you. So please, stop asking!

NAO

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