MyPuzzlePeace: Piecing It Together

From the Inside In

Love Him or Leave Him

045197516e663c7c779bfb491b7d-postI am learning from other couples that you may not be able to have everything when it comes to relationships. It’s like a house that has a great Master bedroom, but a small kitchen. I don’t like cooking so maybe that was a bad example, but you get the point. No one wants to use the word, but there are things that you will have to SETTLE for. It’s really just a matter of what.

A few months ago my friend and I met for lunch and she told me about this man she was seeing and how it was becoming serious. I thought she finally met the one!! I was ready to marry her off to this man. Why do we do that, lol? I guess when you see someone in a serious relationship with after the age of 30, especially when they’ve been single for a while, you just think this is finally it! Welp, it wasn’t.

My friend recently ended the one year long-distance relationship and she is torn. She loves this man and was ready to leave the state to be with him. On one hand he is everything that she prayed for, he’s giving, takes care of her, is kind, likes to travel, wants a family, works hard, all the great things a woman wants in a man. She described him as the type that if she mentioned something that she liked during conversation, he’d buy it and have it delivered to her. How freaking sweet is that. He LISTENS!! The two are complete opposites. She’s outgoing, spontaneous, fun, and goes with the flow. He has no friends, stays to himself, barely speaks, and has no social life outside of her. She figured they’d balance each other out.

So what’s the problem? Apparently he is a broken man and she doesn’t know if it’s something she can deal with long term. He is passive aggressive, a poor communicator, internalizes his feelings, socially awkward, and not assertive. She also doesn’t like that he isn’t her cheerleader and never seems to be happy about the life decisions that she makes, specifically those that would better her life.  He seems to be insecure and probably feels the better her life gets the less he will fit into her world. She said that he always feels like he is not able to make her happy although she gives him reassuring words. Insecurities and self-doubt can be very taxing on a relationship. She believes that he may have some deep rooted issues and is in need of counseling.

So again, can we not have it all? Women want a man who is strong and confident, but at the same time loving and caring. Is that an impossible feat? I wouldn’t think so. I hope not!! It’s like we have to choose…

Kinda lame (sorry girl) and not assertive but it such a sweet heart.

Amazing sex with a non-committal man or get you by sex with the man who adores you.

Not the most attractive man but he gets you and you enjoy his company.

Super hot guy who makes you feel special but he makes someone else feel just as special the next day.

I didn’t know what to advise my friend. I haven’t been in love in so long I almost don’t remember how it feels. I suggested that she make a list of his good and bad qualities. Then look at the bad qualities independent of the good qualities. If she wouldn’t give a man with those qualities the time of day then maybe her decision has been made.

What do you think? Can we have it all? Should she just accept his as he is, as frustrating as it is?

NAO

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3 thoughts on “Love Him or Leave Him

  1. Well we all have to settle on someone… or no one. I guess she has to ultimately follow her heart, she has to make the decision.
    This is a blog about settling I wrote some years back. https://jasonperry00.wordpress.com/2011/03/20/settling-in-a-relationship/

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Anonymous on said:

    Can relate. .my suggestion is don’t put weight on the momentary pleasure, it’s very very fast. ..focus on long term. .and if you can’t see it working on the long run. .cut your losses and give your time and energy to something or someone that can be apart of your future. ..looks like all the bad out weighs the good in your friends case.

    Liked by 1 person

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