MyPuzzlePeace: Piecing It Together

From the Inside In

Archive for the month “October, 2015”

Buckitude… Bad F**K Attitude!

No Cake

Hi everyone! Hope you are having a marvelous weekend!!

I’ve been blogging since 2013, so at this point I think we are friends. Can I get personal with you? I’m about to get personal with you.

I saw a Michael Baisden video, where he asked women if they faked orgasms. It’s no surprise that many women said yes because they wanted it to end, they want to stroke the man’s ego, etc. Everyone knows that women talk, good girlfriends have very few secrets between them. We may not get into great detail because we want to respect the sanctity of the bedroom, but guys if you knock it out the box, the friends know, if you are lame, the friends know. It just is what it is, sorry.

So to my question. Should bad sex be a deal breaker? Do we put too much emphasis on sex in relationships? Do men feel pressured to be on their A game? Do women cause this pressure? My friend coined a new term “buckitud”, which means bad f**k attitude.

Sex is important and full of benefits, for all the reason we all know up to and including release. If you know someone who is tightly wound and on edge, they probably haven’t had any in a while, IJS. Let me ask you, if you owned a company and your employee was not up to par would you let that person go? Hell yes, they are not serving their purpose. I am NOT suggesting sex is the only purpose, but is it wrong to think along those same lines? I understand that it takes time to get to know each other’s bodies, likes and dislikes, and be comfortable with one another. Is it at least fair to say if the performance doesn’t improve that it becomes a deal breaker?

My friends and I had a discussion about this. Bad sex is definitely a frustrating experience. Fellas do you know all that a woman goes through to prep? The de-furring and smell good ritual alone is time consuming. We go through a lot to get right for you, to end up disappointed. Partners need to be on the same page with stamina and expectations. Ladies if you need a man too sample your cake and he doesn’t like sweets, that’s a freaking problem!!!! You can say, oohh I like him, it will get better. Uuhhhmm, what if it doesn’t? What if the sex is boring and lacks excitement? What if he has a problem maintaining an erection? What if he finishes before he starts :-|. It’s already an awkward situation, but do you bring it up later to discuss it?

We’re all adults and friends, so I will say I had an experience that was beyond terrible. We never saw each other again and it pretty much ended.  I know he wanted a redemption visit, but I decided it just wasn’t worth it; I didn’t like him enough. I have another friend who had such a buckitude she wanted to cheat! When you are so unsatisfied you want to sleep with another person, it is definitely a problem. I suppose if someone has enough good qualities maybe it is something you can get past. Read a book, watch a video, visit the adult store, heck I don’t know. Take a look at the videos they are quite interesting.

Let me know what you think. Have you had a terrible experience? Is good sex important to you? Are you willing to stick it out and work with your partner?

Feel free to share. You can post to the blog anonymously.

NAO

A Lose, Lose, Lose Situation

Why is it that men think the world revolves around them? They can say and do whatever they please and women are supposed to just accept it. My friend recently called it quits with a guy she had been seeing for a few months and he can’t seem to understand why. They didn’t have a connection, he didn’t get her, and he’s boring. This weekend, however, was the straw that broke the camel’s back. She asked him to hang out and although he agreed he didn’t respond for almost two hours. This man got mad at her for making other plans and going out with me!!

Is he suggesting that she should have waited around for him to decide to show up? Maybe he is suggesting that she should’ve blown up his phone to confirm if they were still going to get together. My friend reached out to him first and his lack of response cost him the opportunity; he can only be mad at himself.

This could’ve played out one of three ways…

  1. She waited around; he came over. This would set a precedence for future behavior. Her acceptance lets him know that he doesn’t need to respond in a timely fashion because he knows that she’ll be there waiting. This is considering she doesn’t go off on him. If she waits around, he comes AND she goes off, now it’s a guaranteed bad night. LOSE!
  2. She waited around, he didn’t come over. She would have been pissed that she wasted her whole night and the potential to meet someone else. She would’ve probably went off on him. LOSE!
  3. She blew up his phone texting and calling to find out where he was and what happened to their plans. This would probably annoy him and bam they would end up in an argument. I’m sure she’d go off on him in this scenario too. LOSE!

As you can see there is no winning in any of the three scenarios and my friend would be stressed out for having to go off on someone. She did the right thing, she went out with me and another friend and we had a great night if I do say so myself. He later told her that she should’ve told him that she was going out. I’d argue, If he had responded that he would have known. If he had any sense, he would recognize his part in the problem. But wait there is more! Two days later, he brought it up and said the most inconsiderate and rude things to her in anger. I believe people are honest when they are drunk and angry. If he didn’t mean it, he wouldn’t have said it. It’s not important what he said, but he crossed the line. Now back to how men think the world revolves around them. Once he cooled off he couldn’t understand why SHE was mad. He made it seem like she was just in a bad mood for no reason and overreacting. He couldn’t acknowledge that he did anything wrong since he didn’t call her a bitch or some other derogatory term.

Sometimes I wonder how society has survived this long. The two weren’t working and this breakup is for the best, but the fact that he doesn’t get it, baffles my mind. Men seem to think they are better catches than they are. I often feel like men and women see the exact same thing completely differently. I say good riddance, but i’m sure someone will say, she should’ve worked it out or all she had to do was send him another text saying she’s heading out. What the hell ever! Did I mention, he didn’t apologize?

NAO

Love Him or Leave Him

045197516e663c7c779bfb491b7d-postI am learning from other couples that you may not be able to have everything when it comes to relationships. It’s like a house that has a great Master bedroom, but a small kitchen. I don’t like cooking so maybe that was a bad example, but you get the point. No one wants to use the word, but there are things that you will have to SETTLE for. It’s really just a matter of what.

A few months ago my friend and I met for lunch and she told me about this man she was seeing and how it was becoming serious. I thought she finally met the one!! I was ready to marry her off to this man. Why do we do that, lol? I guess when you see someone in a serious relationship with after the age of 30, especially when they’ve been single for a while, you just think this is finally it! Welp, it wasn’t.

My friend recently ended the one year long-distance relationship and she is torn. She loves this man and was ready to leave the state to be with him. On one hand he is everything that she prayed for, he’s giving, takes care of her, is kind, likes to travel, wants a family, works hard, all the great things a woman wants in a man. She described him as the type that if she mentioned something that she liked during conversation, he’d buy it and have it delivered to her. How freaking sweet is that. He LISTENS!! The two are complete opposites. She’s outgoing, spontaneous, fun, and goes with the flow. He has no friends, stays to himself, barely speaks, and has no social life outside of her. She figured they’d balance each other out.

So what’s the problem? Apparently he is a broken man and she doesn’t know if it’s something she can deal with long term. He is passive aggressive, a poor communicator, internalizes his feelings, socially awkward, and not assertive. She also doesn’t like that he isn’t her cheerleader and never seems to be happy about the life decisions that she makes, specifically those that would better her life.  He seems to be insecure and probably feels the better her life gets the less he will fit into her world. She said that he always feels like he is not able to make her happy although she gives him reassuring words. Insecurities and self-doubt can be very taxing on a relationship. She believes that he may have some deep rooted issues and is in need of counseling.

So again, can we not have it all? Women want a man who is strong and confident, but at the same time loving and caring. Is that an impossible feat? I wouldn’t think so. I hope not!! It’s like we have to choose…

Kinda lame (sorry girl) and not assertive but it such a sweet heart.

Amazing sex with a non-committal man or get you by sex with the man who adores you.

Not the most attractive man but he gets you and you enjoy his company.

Super hot guy who makes you feel special but he makes someone else feel just as special the next day.

I didn’t know what to advise my friend. I haven’t been in love in so long I almost don’t remember how it feels. I suggested that she make a list of his good and bad qualities. Then look at the bad qualities independent of the good qualities. If she wouldn’t give a man with those qualities the time of day then maybe her decision has been made.

What do you think? Can we have it all? Should she just accept his as he is, as frustrating as it is?

NAO

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