MyPuzzlePeace: Piecing It Together

From the Inside In

Archive for the month “September, 2015”

Make it Easy

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Stop ASKING Insensitive Questions

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I completed my seven days!! It was quite an experience and it allowed me to think and gain some sense of clarity of what I want and where I am going. I made significant progress on my book. I didn’t meet my initial goal, but I will definitely be done by the end of this year. The seven days made me realize how my time I waste doing nothing. NOT COOL!

On to what I want to talk about… People asking questions about your life that is really none of their business.

After my seven days, I went back on Facebook. Everyone goes back to Facebook, it’s like a drug. I actually had no intent to not go back… Anyway…. On my first day back I saw a clip of Tyra Banks on FABLifeShow where she was in tears talking about her struggle to get pregnant. She discussed how she has been trying to get pregnant for years and it’s frustrating, annoying, and hurtful that everyone feels the need to ask, “When are you having a baby?” It may seem to be a simple question, but it’s insensitive and I fully understand.

Granted, I am NOT trying to get pregnant, but I can relate. It is just as annoying when people ask me when I’m going to get married. Why ask me? Why do you care? How does my marital status have anything to do with you? If you are important to me, when I get engaged I will be sure to let you know. Your asking me isn’t going to make me get engaged any sooner. Don’t ask me when I’m having children. I’ll have them or not have them when the time is right. Getting engaged and having children is something that I have no direct control over. I cannot marry or impregnate myself. So basically what I am saying is, stop asking!

I’ve had people ask me, what I am waiting for. Answer, I’m waiting to avoid being a single parent. I’m waiting to be a family unit. I am waiting to have a man in my life that I would like to share my life with. I don’t think that is a problem. Do you? I’ve had people ask me if I am capable to have children. That is the most insensitive question of all! As far as I know, I am, but if I weren’t, thank you for throwing it in my face. So again, what I am saying is, STOP ASKING!

Yes, I realize I’m getting older. I know my age; I’m not stupid. Yes, I realize the older I get the harder it will be to conceive. I’m not stupid. Yes, I know the older I get the riskier the pregnancy. I’m not stupid. This information does not change the fact I am not prepared to have a child, especially considering I am not in a committed relationship. Woman are having babies later in life, I am healthy, and have faith that I will one day have a child. I would love to have a child one day, but having a child does not define and does not make me any more of a woman. I actually read an article that suggested people without children have happier lives, something to consider.

So if you have a single woman in your life. Don’t annoy her with questions you already know the answer to. No she isn’t engaged, if she were you’d know. No she isn’t pregnant, if she were you’d know. Yes, she is aware of her fertility and does not need a medical lesson from you. So please, stop asking!

NAO

Seven Day Social Fast

Screenshot_2015-09-11-15-34-23-1I had a terrifying dream last night. I was in an airplane and as soon as it took off it crashed into the ocean. I didn’t die on impact. I remember seeing the water rising, being scared, and then outside of my body watching the plane go under. I don’t know if dreams really mean anything, but I was on Google the next morning. If it’s in my head, I figure there must be a reason.

The plane… lack of self-confidence, self-defeating attitude and self-doubt. Feelings of hopelessness. Worry of not achieving goals.

The ocean… represents spiritual refreshment, tranquility, and renewal. It can also be an indication of emotional state: being overwhelmed and swept away by stress in life, being brought down emotionally, or drained of energy.

So what’s going on with me? Men. Matters of the heart. Life. So frustrating!!! I don’t know if it’s just me, but a man can ruin your temperament for the whole day. Walking around with a cloud of gloom and moping like Eeyore. Makes no damn sense!! I was watching this video yesterday of a man giving a hilarious yet motivational message. He brought up how when women get out of a relationship they feel like their whole world has come to an end. He said, “It’s just the beginning biiittcchhh!!”

I’ve been meeting different men, dating, etc… The problem. The older I get, the more I realize I need to make wise life decisions about the men I chose to have in my life. Not saying that I haven’t, but sometimes I worry that I am going to make poor choices. I worry that I justify men’s actions when I really should take them for what they are. Men show us who they are and we ignore it. I worry that I allow men to control my emotions. It really bothers me. It doesn’t make sense to me that I allow a man to make me question myself and quality of character. Maybe I feel too deeply? Maybe I internalize things that I shouldn’t? What he said and what she heard is a REAL problem. Ladies, have you ever been in a complete funk over what you heard only to later realize (after discussion) it’s not what he said? Then get completely mad at yourself for allowing yourself to be sad over what turned out to be nothing?

I am taking a 7 day “social” break as suggested by my dear friend. I haven’t decided all that I’m not going to do, but I have a plan of what I will do in the next week. Seven days of early morning mantra and meditation. Seven days of writing (nearly done with my book). Seven days of cleaner eating. Seven days of exercise. Seven days of minimal to no TV. Seven days of Bible passages. Seven days with no dates. Seven days no men. Seven days of clarity. Seven days of reconnecting with me as I have been losing focus and straying away from my goals.

I think this break will be a good jump start. My head will be clear and my mind renewed. I start on Sunday after church; I am ready to take this journey.

NAO

Dating with EB

Hi everyone, long time no write. I’ve been preoccupied or as one of my friend’s would say, lazy. I’m not saying that agree with his calling me lazy, but ehhhh it’s not worth the energy to argue. My energy has been focused on working, social life, family, and ohhh dating. I went to a comedy show recently and the comic, whose name I forget although he was hilarious, said dating after 30 is like shopping on Black Friday when it’s nearly over. All of the good stuff is gone and what’s left has been picked over. Even if you do find something good; you get it home and learn that it’s broken 🙂

I try not to complain too much about dating, notice I said try, the struggle is real. I do meet men fairly often, and at this point it’s a numbers game. I figure I’m healthy, smart, attractive, blah, blah, blah all those good qualities a man would want. Right? Right. In my heart, I have no doubt that I will fall in love again eventually. I do have a friend, however, who is not so sure.

Dating with a disease or disability must be a challenge; hell it’s hard as shit as a healthy person. I have a male friend who has Epidermolysis bullosa (EB) and recently started online dating. EB is a genetic disease that causes blisters on the skin and mucosal membranes (Google for more deets). His mom has been nagging him for YEARS to get married. He is from India and two steps away from having his ass arranged if he doesn’t get a move on. So he’s taking action. He’s created a profile and in his about me mentions his disease… being up front and honest I see. I suppose he shouldn’t hide it; it’s a major part of his life.

He found that he isn’t have much luck and believes that if a woman can have a healthy man, why would they want him. My heart goes out to him. He said whenever a woman reaches out to him, he first tells her about the disease and advises her to Google it. My first thought was, WTF would you do that for?! Don’t give her an excuse to discount you especially if it’s already mentioned on your profile. Her bad for glossing over, j/k. She obviously saw whatever she saw, was interested, and reached out to him. Now here he goes and tells her, proceed with caution, read the fine print, and get back to me. After she Googles it or not, who knows, he never hears from her again.

As a woman I can only imagine how hard it would be to start a relationship with a man that has a medical condition. I would think it would be emotionally draining and expensive, but that doesn’t mean that another woman would not be strong enough or willing to handle it. Maybe my friend should have a conversation with the interested woman and see where it goes and allow her to ask questions. Give her a chance to get to know him outside of his disease and not give her an excuse to dash after initial contact.

Other than my friend constantly calling me lazy, he’s a good guy and quit funny. He was born not expected to leave the hospital alive and is now in his 30s. He’s a survivor. He has a good job, is working towards his Master’s, and lives a rewarding life. Why not meet someone with the same condition, you wonder. His condition is genetic and probably isn’t a good idea. I suppose if they never want to procreate, it may be an excellent idea. They will understand each other’s struggle and be wonderful companions.

I wish my buddy the best of luck on his dating journey. Hell, with my luck he’ll probably be married before me. I have always wanted to go to an Indian wedding, I hear they are awesome parties that last for days!!!

NAO

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