Women are emotional thinkers. I’m not saying all, I’m not saying most, but it is certainly something that I have observed and myself am guilty of. I find that I care more about a man’s feelings than I do my own sometimes. WTF is that about?! I started considering this after a conversation with a friend, Kris (not her real name). She’s single, I’m single and we share dating horror stories.
Kris met a guy two weeks ago, no more than three, if I’m not mistaken. She showed me a picture that they took together the night they met and something about his body language and the way he was holding her made me comment, “a bit much don’t you think?” Let me pause right here. Anyone who knows me, knows, DO NOT ask what I think about anything if you really don’t want to know because I WILL tell you. Ok back to the story… Kris agreed and said that he’s just affectionate and shrugged it off. Ok, I let it go.
I talk to her a few days later and asked how it’s going and she sighs. She tells me that it’s going okay, but he calls a lot and text a lot. Not in a, “Hey babe, how’s your day?” kind of way. He will call at 8:00, if she doesn’t answer then he will call at 8:15, if she doesn’t answer then he will send a text. One could argue he’s concerned, but I would argue he’s a pain in the ass. I can’t have more than 15 minutes to get back to you, what if I’m on the toilet or something. Can I not enjoy my place of solitude and peace? Her words are saying that things are cool, although the calling thing kinda bugs her, but her exasperations are saying, “OMG, what did I get myself into?” I just tell her to be careful with this one.
I talk to her again and this time they are going on a date. Again, she sighs when I mention his name. If that’s not a red flag, I don’t know what is. She said that he wears her out and is coming on too strong. The date wasn’t even a date it was a group of friends hanging out because she didn’t want to be alone with him. She doesn’t even like to tell him where she is because she’s worried that he will pop up to make sure that she is there. If you don’t remember, in the second paragraph, I mentioned that they met two to three weeks ago!!! So now I go in with my unsolicited advice. If you know me you also know, I don’t really care, I’m gonna give it to you how it is and hope you know it’s coming from a place of love. I told her that he is going to be insecure, controlling, possessive, jealous, and clingy. I forgot to mention that when she walked away from him for one moment on the group date, he asked her if she got anyone’s number. Dude, she just went to wash her hands. I told her that he is going to be one of those men who isolate their woman and control their lives and probably has the potential to be abusive. I told her that he isn’t even trying to woo her or earn her affection, he’s pushing himself on her. He’s making sure he takes up so much of her time that she has time for nothing else.
I share this story to say, her response was that maybe she should just talk to him and tell him he’s coming on to strong because maybe he doesn’t know. Now I’m annoyed!! He’s an adult. He knows. You know. It’s only been two weeks; now is the time to do something about it. Walk away! If this is the way he behaves after two weeks, imagine two months or two years. Kris is being an emotional thinker. She does not want to hurt his feelings because she said he is a nice guy and that maybe his ex-girlfriend cheated and that’s why he is insecure. To that I say, “So what, it is not your problem.” I explained to her that he is showing you who he is. Men always show us who they are, but we pretend that we can’t see it. She is worried about hurting him and making him feel bad that, but she’s not considering that she herself is so uncomfortable that every time the topic of this guy comes up she literally sighs and seems to be stressed out. You met him TWO WEEKS ago!!! F***K him and his feelings. I’m just saying! If she behaved like him to a man she met two weeks, he would’ve dropped her like a scalding hot rock.
I’m not judging her, because I get it. I find that I and many of my other friends face the same issue. We don’t want to be the bad guy and essentially put a man’s needs in front of our own. It’s unacceptable. We need to do better than this especially in an instance where the consequences can be detrimental. I pray that Kris leaves this man alone. She has not invested much time or energy and it should be no love lost at this point. She doesn’t even want to spend V-day with him, that’s speaks volumes. She told him that she has plans with her girls. If the guy that I was interested in asked me out for V-day, I’d drop my friends and hope them heifers understand. Just kidding ladies, no really. Everything about her demeanor and the things she tells me lets me know that she does not even like him, but because of her emotions she wants to give him a try. Maybe I’ve watched too much Snapped, but this does not sound like a good situation to me.
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