MyPuzzlePeace: Piecing It Together

From the Inside In

Archive for the month “April, 2014”

To Friend Zone or Not to Friend Zone

Have you ever met someone that you were kind of interested in, started spending time with, but wound up in an undefined zone? Not quite friends, but not really dating or in a relationship. You’re really not even sure where it’s going or where you want it to go. I have a friend who is experiencing this and it seems to be a zone of uncertainty and confusion.

Let me fill you in on the deets…

I have a friend who met a man who seems to be a genuine person. He is the appropriate age, she finds him attractive, employed, kind hearted, etc. He has a daughter, is an involved father, and doesn’t seem to have any baby mamma drama. According to her, he has a great sense of humor and always makes her laugh. She finds him to be caring, thoughtful, and an overall pleasant person.

Why is my friend considering placing this man in the friend zone? I’m going to preface my next few thoughts with this… People like what they like. People are attracted and drawn to certain physical traits and personalities, whatever they may be. I suggest, there is nothing wrong with that and that it’s natural. I went to a seminar held by a preacher who wrote a book on dating and he stated that rule #1 was to be attracted to person you are with. It is important to make sure that you get what you like!

I said all of that to say, there are some things that she has an issue with… his height, his profession, and his taste in certain things. I’m sure at this point some of you are rolling your eyes and saying, “This is why women can’t find a good man,” blah blah blah… Consider if you were in her shoes. Just because someone will date a person who is 4 inches shorter than they are doesn’t mean that a person who will not is a bad person. I don’t know if I would want to date someone who is 6’8 so why should she have to date someone who is 5’6 if it’s not appealing to her. He’s not going to grow; it is what is. His height is something that she will have to take or leave, she may opt to leave.

They are in different stages of their careers; he is a customer service rep. I will be the FIRST to say as long as you’re not robbing me, I can respect your job. You may make less than me, but you are making a honest living and I am happy. BUT should a CEO date the cafeteria guy? They are in completely different places. Now the difference between the professions of these two are not that extreme, but you get my point. It may not be “right” but that’s life. She’s not in her 20’s and is thinking about the big picture. I suggested that she discuss goals with him; this job may just be a temporary situation while he works on big moves.

She’s also not feeling his style. This can be changed, but again you have to be into your man from his dress to the car he drives. If he likes those old school long cars with the spinning rims and you just have a regular Corolla, his car could be a bit much. Now you have to take your car everywhere because you are embarrassed of his. This can become a headache especially if he isn’t contributing to gas. I don’t know about where you live, but gas is expensive. These things matter!

So my friend is torn. She likes him, enjoys talking to him, and spending time with him, but isn’t sure how she feels about the things that I mentioned. It is very clear that he has feelings for her so if she does friend zone him, more likely than not, their friendship will end. This has got to be a tough spot to be in. If she feels this way he may not be the guy for her, but he also very well could be. Sometimes you have to step out of your comfort zone. Sometimes what you like and are generally attracted to, may not be what is best for you. However, why force yourself to be in a situation that you aren’t 100% comfortable with. If she liked him that much she probably would care. I’m not even sure what I would do. Maybe she should just ride it out and enjoy his company until she is forced to make a choice. Is that inconsiderate? Poor fella probably has no idea.

NAO

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