MyPuzzlePeace: Piecing It Together

From the Inside In

Archive for the month “March, 2014”

Attention: How Does a Man Deal with Conlict?

Men have the most interesting way of dealing with conflicts in relationships. They DON’T!!! They IGNORE IT!!!

Men are very peculiar. Why do men think that if they don’t talk about a problem, it will go away? I’ve always realized this, but I guess I figured with age it would diminish. I should’ve known better; I was delusional. Sorry dad, but you do it too. I even noticed that my grandpa did it. One day, many years ago, my grandma was pestering my grandpa and was on a rant about something. My grandpa literally acted like he didn’t hear that she was speaking to him, he didn’t flinch to point it made me wonder if he could hear at all. I was ready to bring up hearing aids, lol. After my grandma was done yelling, he gave me a secret smile and waved his hand and her. She was gone and he was back in peace to finish watching Matlock, lmao. I guess if he engaged in the conversation, it would’ve went on and on and he would’ve missed his show. There was no DVR then.

Well, fellas let me tell you something… It’s annoying!!! Women HATE to be ignored. LISTEN. ENGAGE. Let’s talk this out. Once we TALK about it, we can move forward and have some take aways. If you ignore it, it will just come up again AND then we have to talk about it again! It truly is a vicious cycle that can be broken if you STOP the silence. It can’t just be me who feels this way? Talking is GOOD!!

I swear I wonder how men have survived this long. Just floating through life avoiding deep discussions. How does that work? There must be a part of a man’s brain that differs from a woman’s brain that makes men incapable of communicating with a woman about feelings and relationships. It’s funny they lack the focus to discuss issues, but when it comes down to sports they know the players, the numbers, the stats. They can damn near write a biography and make an impromptu presentation about their favorite player that will range from the players childhood to present endorsements. Why is it that when their significant other wants to discuss an issue or two that their vocabulary is suddenly limited? Limited to a moan and maybe the words, “here we go.” WTF.

So the other night before bed I was having a discussion with my boyfriend, not an argument, but a discussion over text. All of a sudden he was MIA and no longer responding. When we spoke the next day on the phone, I asked why he stopped responding. His response, “I didn’t want to deal with it.” SMH. Just that easy huh? I felt like we could’ve wrapped up our discussion, but instead I had to get annoyed because I was being ignored. I guess women are the only ones who need closure.

This not dealing with things makes me think of a guy that I met at a party last year. One day after our plans got messed and I was upset, rightfully so, I never heard from him again. We were talking about it and then it just stopped. He didn’t want to deal with it. He probably thought I was angrier than I was. He, quite frankly, couldn’t have liked me that much because his actions were inconsiderate. My point here, if he had finished our discussion and moved forward I wouldn’t think he was an inconsiderate asshole, but instead a man that I met and it didn’t work out.

Men, I get that you don’t want to miss Matlock or whatever your show is. I get it. Life moves on, in your mind, faster if you just ignore the situation. IT DOESN’T! While you have moved on and completed your show, we’re angry. Do you really want your woman angry?

Well, I didn’t bring it up again. So I guess he won this one. Or did he? Yeah he may have stopped engaging, but he still had to listen. Hopefully something was absorbed to avoid the situation from coming up again.

Welp that’s my rant. Men, knock it off.

 

NAO

Five Phases of a Relationship

Hi, long time no write 🙂

I have been in a relationship for about four months now after a three year hiatus. I’ve been going on dates for so long that it’s weird to be in a relationship; it’s not quite the same vibe. When you’re being wooed (Do people still use that word?) you get a lot of attention, get taken out every weekend, and they say all the right things. It’s great!! It took me a minute to remember that doesn’t last forever. I guess I’m a bit of a brat, but whatever, that’s not the point I’m trying to make here. After two dates or so, I generally never saw the person. It made me forget about the various phases that people go through when in a relationship. Once someone got on my nerves, my friends would hear, “uuughhh girl I dunnoooo” and sure enough it was over. So now that I am in a relationship and like the man that I am seeing, I need to reinforce my nerves lmao. It’s not all about me, it’s mostly about me, but not ALL about me hehehe just kidding, sorta 😉

1. In the first phase you meet a man’s representative. He’s on his best behavior and says all of the right things to make you giggle like a teenager. You go out all the time to the point you feel like a tourist in your own town because you’re doing so many different things. Yes, he is probably breaking his bank account, but it’s an investment. Right? Right. I think so. Everything is great and you see everything through rose colored glasses. You have officially met the greatest man in the WORLD!! Ladies eat your heart out, he’s taken! You can see myself falling in love with this one. Until, you move into the next phase. I’d say phase one lasts about 3 months, give or take dependent upon how much time you two spend together. When you start to spend more time indoors than outdoors then you know you moved into the next phase of your relationship.

2. In the second phase of the relationship, the representative starts to disappear. You both start to lower your guards and reveal your insecurities and issues that probably would’ve scared the other off if revealed in the first month. You go out less, but still hang out often. The sweet words may be less frequent and he may be brutally honest and tell you that your hair looks a mess, but know that it’s with love. All of the jokes that you thought were sooo hilarious, you now and probably really never did, get. But he is still awesome and you are happy to be together because he brings a smile to your face, hopefully. This phase can last anywhere from the 3rd month of your relationship to your one year anniversary.

3. It starts to get real in this phase. No more holding in the farts or not taking a poop at his place, hey they are both natural body functions. No more waking up early to hide the morning breath. He is now seeing that, unlike Beyoncé, you do not wake up like “this.” It takes work and effort and since we aren’t going anywhere, I’m not putting in the effort to get all fine. You are both comfortable and may be settling into a rut, although I hope not. This phase doesn’t really end, it kind of transitions into the next and is ongoing.

4. In phase four, you might start to get the itch. Do you really like this man? Can you really see yourself with this person for the long haul? Yes, you’ve invested some time, but probably not so much time that you can’t move on to someone else. The jokes are no longer funny, his snoring keeps you up at night, and his farts make you wonder if he has a gastrointestinal problem. If you’re not in love already, you may have to decide to call it quits. On the flip, you may fall in more in love with your man which leads in the next phase.

5. The last phase is when women, especially those who want to get married and have kids, ask “Where is this going?” You’ve gotten this far; you must be in love. You might still like his jokes or just laugh to make him feel good about himself. You probably realize that you’re not getting any younger and don’t have time to waste. You’re ovaries are starting to hurt and your clock is ticking so loud it vibrates in your ears. So you want to know, what’s the next step? Exchange keys? Move in together? Get engaged? A relationship needs to progress and move forward.

Sometimes two, three, and four can occur simultaneously.

I am currently in phase 2. My boyfriend and I are learning each other and it is interesting. I feel like I am experiencing some growing pains, but no rule breakers… thank goodness. I have learned that it is important for me to remember that he and I are a new couple and I can’t expect him to know everything about me or be able to read my mind. Sometimes, I feel like I don’t quite understand him, but that’s ok because if we work in time I will. I’m also learning that when in a relationship a man will sometimes do things that I don’t like and that will annoy me, but I also have to remember when he does sweet things too. I will remember when he sent me a bouquet for Valentine’s Day and when he sized my new air filter because the manufacturer of mine made the air filter in a size that you can’t buy from anyone other than them. Those are the moments when I feel, aawwweee he really likes me.

NAO

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