MyPuzzlePeace: Piecing It Together

From the Inside In

Archive for the month “October, 2013”

Don”t Ingore the Red Flags

My girlfriends and I have such great lunch conversations that we almost forget that we are in the cafeteria at work!!! ICnt chngncited by a blog post, today we talked about why women ignore red flags. We’ve all done it!! We know that something is not right, yet we hang around to see if things will change. We make excuses, we attempt to justify his actions, and we pretend that things are going to get better. Why?

Women are so quick to forgive a man’s shortcomings. Men, not so much in return. Is it because men are in such short supply and they have the upper hand? They want to pick the attributes that will contribute to their gene flow. Women overlook the enormously big head and pray for a normal dome during child birth. Woman are like, eehh he’s not that bad… we can change this… we can work on that….

NOOOOOO!!!! This needs to stop. Men are not projects. When we see red flag after red flag we should take the closest exit.

1. If he ONLY texts you. PROBLEM. I get we live in an age when we do a lot of texting, but when you are really trying to get to know someone you need to talk on the phone sometimes. Why can’t he call?

2. If he gives you a lame excuse as to why he can’t call. PROBLEM. Oh my dog keeps sneezing. Uhm ok, go into another room!

3. If he can only call during work hours or when he is outside of the home. PROBLEM. Last time I experienced this, he was living with a woman.

4. If he can only plan dates during the work week. PROBLEM. A single man, regardless to how busy he is, will make time for who and what he wants to make time for. It’s not like you’re dating President Obama, but even he has time for Michelle.

5. The texts that he sends to you automatically delete from your phone. Yeah there is an app for that. PROBLEM. Who is he hiding the messages from? When the shit hits the fan, who does he not want you to show the messages to?

6. He doesn’t keep his dates with you, something always comes up where it has to be canceled. PROBLEM. If a man can’t keep his word, he’s not much of a man.

Why do we ignore these types of red flags or attempt to justify his actions?  I’ve done it too, I can’t even really explain why. Like I said in my previous post, a man will drop a woman like a scorching rock handed to him by the devil; women try to hold on.

We set the tone of the relationship by what we will or will not accept. We can not complain about what we allow to happen to us; we teach people how to treat us. Does this mean that we may stay single a little longer? Maybe. Does it mean that we will end up happier with the right man? Definitely!


My Little Therapy Session

Have you ever met someone that you just didn’t like, but felt bad for not liking? You don’t really DISLIKE that person; you just don’t want to date them. I think it’s the most awkward feeling especially when you know that the person likes you. What is it all about? Is it attraction? Is it chemistry? Is it being picky? What is it?

I always felt like when I met the person that I will develop a relationship with that I would know… IT’S HIM!!! Maybe I should go ahead and drop that notion. Maybe I could like this man, in time, maybe :-(. There isn’t anything wrong with him, I just dont think he’s for me. Although I will admit, my “It’s him” radar has been faulty to say the least. It may need a recalibration or something. Everytime I meet someone that I think I could see myself with, it goes south for one reason or another. There havent been many, like two and a possible, but still.

My friend thinks that I’m torturing myself. I wouldn’t say it is torture, more so doing something I don’t necessarily want to do… at least under the pretense of dating, maybe as just friends. I think we could be friends, but then I ask myself. If you like someone enough to be their friend, why can’t you be their “girlfriend?” Is the friend line used just to soften the blow?

I think this person is just not what I want. That’s ok, right? Of course it is. My sister asked, “What if what you want, isn’t what you need?” Ugh… I don’t know about that; a question that I didn’t anticipate. BUT even if that is true, I would like to get what I need with a spoon full of sugar and a chaser of what I WANT.  Maybe I want too much. I’m just rattling at this point. It helps me sort my thoughts…

All I know is that I am not being fair to another person. I’m not mean or anything, but my heart is not in it. I also know that a man would drop me like a freaking scorching hot rock handed to him by the devil and not answer my calls or texts if it were the other way around. So why the heck am I putting myself through this? Anyway this has been therapeutic. I’m still not sure what I should do, but I have to make a decision soon.


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