Can You Really be Friends with an Ex?
I hope everyone enjoyed their long weekend, well if you were off for the holiday anyway!
My ex called me the other day because he was in the area and asked what I was doing. I told him that I had plans, which I did. He didn’t exactly ask, but it seemed he wanted to hang out. In the past, I would’ve gone if I was free. Why not? This time I wondered… Would I have met up with him if I didn’t have plans? I’m not sure.
Can you really remain friends with an ex? Maybe friend is too strong of a term. People do use the word friend too loosely. Everyone you talk to is not a friend, everyone you associate with is not a friend. So maybe the better question is, can you associate with an ex? Can you maintain a relationship with an ex?
I’ve been single for two years and now that I’m dating; I’ve started thinking more about it. My ex and I don’t hang out or spend time together, but we do talk every now and again… It’s not even that often. We don’t talk about us, we don’t talk about relationships. I don’t even know if he’s dating anyone. We basically talk about work, our family, and friends. I never concerned myself before, because I had no one to talk to and I know he’d listen and vice versa.
I have not thought about my ex and I getting back together for a long time. I really don’t even think I could be with him now. Things I put up with because I was in love, will likely annoy the shit out of me now!! He is not a bad guy AT ALL, don’t get me wrong, just some annoying things… Ya’ll know what I mean. No more rose colored glass. I have moved on, but is it time that we really part ways and stop communication? We don’t have kids or anything linking us together, so there is no real reason for us to remain in contact.
I’m not in a committed relationship at this time, but I’ve been seeing someone that I like and I’d hate for communicating with my ex to become a potential issue. I have no reason to suspect that it will, but I would have a big problem if the role was reversed. I would wonder why he was holding on.
I was reading “Cosmopolitan” The Case for a Clean Break. They think it is possible to be friends after a breakup, but my question is… WHY? If you wanted me in your life, we’d still be together. These are the steps they provided for a clean break up, do it like a band aid!
1. Lose His Number – Well, I know it by heart… so that’s no help…
2. Call in Reinforcements- Eeehh, it’s not that serious
3. De-friend Him – That was easy enough, he had no social media and I did de-friend his friends that were on Facebook. Score one for Natalie!!
4. Give yourself space – I never gave myself space. Here is the problem! We never stopped talking; it just gradually became less and less.
I know in my heart that I would never let my ex interfere with a new potential love, hey he had his chance!! I think talking to him is familiar, but maybe it’s time to build that familiarity with someone else.
What do you guys think?