MyPuzzlePeace: Piecing It Together

From the Inside In

Archive for the month “February, 2013”

Implement the Rotation System?!

elevate-flirting-ecard-someecards

Hey everyone, I hope you have been enjoying your week. My computer was out of commission for the past few days, but now I’m back!

What have you missed?

A friend and I had a mutual connection with online dating, hahahaha, the pool is too small. It’s all good though, the guy and I never went out or anything.

Another friend had the dilemma of, do you tell a friend what you know…

I had a breakthrough. I proved, unscientifically, a theory that I have about men who pose topless and with cars, but I’ll share that another time.

And now… I have been told that I should think of dating like shopping; men are shirts. You walk around the store and you pick up several shirts, try on a few shirts, put some back, try on some more, and may even leave with a few. So what happens to the two or three shirts you have decided to take home? You wear them. Now what? You don’t really like the shirt as much as you thought and you take it back. What if you do like the shirt? Or kinda like the shirt? What if you like both shirts? Now you’ve got two shirts! You can only wear one shirt at the time! Isn’t it bad to take a shirt back once you’ve worn it, although the tags may still be on? This is so complex to me!

I like to wear one shirt at the time and when I know longer have a use for the shirt or no longer like the shirt, I stop wearing it and move on to another shirt. Guess I’m just weird.

I started reading “Unmask the Male Mind” by Alexandra Fox. The book provides 77 secrets to unmask the male psychology.  Secret 9 (men look away) is that women should implement the “Rotation System.” Women should date three men at a time until the one you are really interested in asks to be exclusive. The author states that the rotation system is how she met the man of her dreams. She suggests, that this system will prevent you from being needy and make a man work harder to have you all to himself. Hhhmm I suppose.

Not sure if I can do this. I worry someone, probably me, will end up getting hurt. The book said, women shouldn’t worry about hurting men because they are used to rejection; just be direct and honest. Damn my kind heart always thinking about other people’s feelings. I had a friend tell me, I really shouldn’t be so concerned because a man probably wouldn’t care anyway… especially if we aren’t exclusive. Sigh!! It’s been a few months and I’m already worn out from dating. To bad my culture doesn’t do arranged marriages; I’d sign up!!

Ladies check out the book, it is definitely an interesting read.

 

NAO

What is your Love Language?

Hi everybody, I hope you have been enjoying your week!!

This week I’ve been thinking a lot about relationships and whether I am getting what I need.

How many of you know your Love Language? How many of you know your partners Love Language? How many of you know what “Love Language” is? “The 5 Love Languages” is a book by Gary Chapman.  The book discusses five love languages, Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Physical Touch, Receiving Gifts, and Acts of Service. The book discusses each language to enable readers to communicate effectively with their partners.  Learning your love language can build and help maintain strong relationships; you will learn your partner’s emotional needs and how to satisfy them.

I took the survey to learn MY LOVE LANGUAGE. For singles, the Love Language profile provides an analysis of your emotional communication preference. The survey presents a series of statements that others might say or do to show love to you. It took about 10 minutes to complete. The test is scored and the results ranked in order of importance to the test taker. My two most important love languages are, Words of Affirmation and Quality Time.

Words of Affirmation – “…unsolicited compliments mean the world to you. Hearing the words, “I love you,” are important—hearing the reasons behind that love sends your spirits skyward.” This is very true for me. I like to know that I am loved; I like to hear that I am loved.  I know that a man’s actions speak volumes, but so does what he DOES NOT say.

Quality Time – “…In Quality Time, nothing says “I love you” like full, undivided attention. Being there for this type of person is critical, but really being there—with the TV off, fork and knife down, and all chores and tasks on standby—makes you feel truly special and loved..” I love quality time even if we are doing nothing at all! Oohhh but not clingy, there has got to be a balance. There is nothing worse than a clingy man.

Thinking  about past relationships, the man that I loved the most provided quality time, but not words of affirmation. I knew that he loved me, but he never made me feel special. On the flip, the men that I have dated who did provide words of affirmation, I actually disliked the most. Funny. Maybe, I don’t know what I want! Why can’t I just have both?! The story of my life!

Everyone check out the site and learn your love language, you may be surprised.

NAO

Can You Really be Friends with an Ex?

I hope everyone enjoyed their long weekend, well if you were off for the holiday anyway!

My ex called me the other day because he was in the area and asked what I was doing. I told him that I had plans, which I did. He didn’t exactly ask, but it seemed he wanted to hang out. In the past, I would’ve gone if I was free. Why not? This time I wondered… Would I have met up with him if I didn’t have plans? I’m not sure.

Can you really remain friends with an ex? Maybe friend is too strong of a term. People do use the word friend too loosely. Everyone you talk to is not a friend, everyone you associate with is not a friend. So maybe the better question is, can you associate with an ex? Can you maintain a relationship with an ex?

I’ve been single for two years and now that I’m dating; I’ve started thinking more about it. My ex and I don’t hang out or spend time together, but we do talk every now and again… It’s not even that often. We don’t talk about us, we don’t talk about relationships. I don’t even know if he’s dating anyone. We basically talk about work, our family, and friends. I never concerned myself before, because I had no one to talk to and I know he’d listen and vice versa.

I have not thought about my ex and I getting back together for a long time. I really don’t even think I could be with him now. Things I put up with because I was in love, will likely annoy the shit  out of me now!! He is not a bad guy AT ALL, don’t get me wrong, just some annoying things… Ya’ll know what I mean. No more rose colored glass. I have moved on, but is it time that we really part ways and stop communication? We don’t have kids or anything linking us together, so there is no real reason for us to remain in contact.

I’m not in a committed relationship at this time, but I’ve been seeing someone that I like and I’d hate for communicating with my ex to become a potential issue. I have no reason to suspect that it will, but I would have a big problem if the role was reversed. I would wonder why he was holding on.

I was reading “Cosmopolitan” The Case for a Clean Break. They think it is possible to be friends after a breakup, but my question is… WHY? If you wanted me in your life, we’d still be together. These are the steps they provided for a clean break up, do it like a band aid!

1. Lose His Number – Well, I know it by heart… so that’s no help…

2. Call in Reinforcements- Eeehh, it’s not that serious

3. De-friend Him – That was easy enough, he had no social media and I did de-friend his friends that were on Facebook. Score one for Natalie!!

4. Give yourself space – I never gave myself space. Here is the problem! We never stopped talking; it just gradually became less and less.

I know in my heart that I would never let my ex interfere with a new potential love, hey he had his chance!! I think talking to him is familiar, but maybe it’s time to build that familiarity with someone else.

What do you guys think?

NAO

My Dating Prerequisite!

MjAxMS03MzgwOGNmM2MxZjJkZTAwTomorrow is Valentine’s Day; I hope everyone enjoys it whether you are in a relationship or single.

I may have a date with the ladies. We haven’t made concrete plans as of yet, but I’m sure we’ll get into something… no sitting at home looking sad for us! Single ladies on the prowl!

A few months ago I had to reevaluate the list of what I want in a man. I read an article that made me feel like I didn’t have my priorities in order.  I have one requirement that is not on my list, but I am adamant it’s a must. I guess, consider it a prerequisite. My one friend, and I do mean one friend, because she is the only one, but she thinks what I’m about to say is silly. I require a man to be well dressed and put together!! You should not look like you are in high school, please come with your grown man swag!

I believe a grown man should know how to dress, especially a man in his 30s! I don’t need him to be GQ or anything, but I shouldn’t be embarrassed to be seen with him. Men, your pants should be on your hips and you should not look like a slob. You’re clothes shouldn’t be extra smedium (yes the S is intentional) but they should be closer to your size than not! Why are you shopping in the big and tall section when you are 5’9” and 175lbs?

I am all for sanding off the rough edges of a man, but to mold one, I don’t think so! Am I alone on this?

I met a man who said that he gets his clothes from his friends, like hand me downs, which I guess is fine… but really, a grown ass working man… I don’t know how I feel about that…

Gentlemen, once you satisfy the prerequisite then you must be:

1. Caring – I need to feel loved and special at all times.

2. Driven – NO lazy bums!

3. Have a sense of humor – One that I can appreciate, important to add, everyone thinks they are a comedian.

4. Honest – Not in a rude, you look stupid, but hey I’m being honest kind of way… but in a I don’t have to worry about what you are up to kind of way.

5. Intelligent – I need someone whose intelligence is comparative to mine. I once dated a man who asked me, why are you always trying to teach me something… Uhm I wasn’t, I thought I was just having conversation.

6. Family oriented – I Love my family and we spend A LOT of time together. *My brothers are not jerks lol 🙂

7. Fun and laid back – I like to enjoy myself and he should too.

8.  Attractive – Even if just to me.

So, nothing that I am asking for is unreasonable. What is on your list? Am I alone on the dressing thing? Tell me what you think.

NAO

Sweet or Creepy??

Hi everyone, I hope that you had a great weekend.

A few blogs ago, I mentioned a man that I met online who I have named Check In. He’s the guy who will randomly text me info as if I had asked him. Well… he actually called me; we’ve spoken a few times. He seems nice enough, although we only spoke for about 5 minutes each time. He always tells me what he is doing, so still checking in for some strange reason, but this is what I thought was really weird and need help with. He told me that the only reason he goes on the dating site now is to see my picture…

I signed in and sure enough he is an outlier, he’s viewed my profile nearly 20 times with the last time being February 9! Everyone else is between one and three. Is that sweet or creepy?!?! Maybe it’s a little of both. What exactly is he trying to tell me?

I’m not looking for anyone else.  Although we’ve never met, have only spoken like three times, and you ignore my text most of the time, Natalie you are the one for me!!!! WTF!!

Or

Natalie you are just so breathtakingly beautiful, I can’t not look at your face!!!

Who am I kidding, it’s probably the latter lmao. He asked me to text him a picture of me and I completely ignored the request. When we spoke, he brought that up!!! I don’t know! The more I think about it, the more I think it is WEIRD!

He asked if we could meet and I’m thinking it’s not really a good idea. The last think I need is to meet a strange clingy man that I can’t shake. Sigh, why me? 😦

He sent me a text the other telling me how wonderful he thinks I am and that he is glad that he met me. I concur, I am pretty great, but you don’t even know me!! There is nothing worse than insincere words. Maybe he’s just happy that I am entertaining his presence.  As often as I ignore him, I surprised he still sends me messages.

So what is the next step? Do I actually tell him that I’m not interested or just ignore his messages until he gets the hint? Who knew this would be so complex?!

NAO

Dating Questions: What to do!?!

Hello friends, I hope you have been enjoying your week!!

I have to first share something that happened to my friend earlier this week at McDonalds. My friend went through the drive thru and ordered a soda with NO ICE. I forget what else she ordered, but that’s not important. She gets to the window and the manager hands her the drink and it has ice. So my friend politely tells the manager, I wanted it with no ice. The manager says no problem… Here comes the problem… The manager removes the cap from the soda and gets another cup. She places her hand over the opening of the cup and proceeds to strain the soda through her fingers into the next cup!!!!! My friend asks the manager what she is doing. The manager responds, you said no ice. ROTFLMAO!!!!

I thought that was too funny and disturbing not to share!

Today, I want to talk about dating. I haven’t actively dated in SIX years.  I was with my ex for four and these last two years, well… I’ve been interested in a couple of people, but it quickly fizzled, like one date fizzled.  So I have a few questions now that I’m back on the scene.

1. How many people do you date at a time? Do you tell the person you’re dating, that you’re dating other people? Do you ask if they are dating other people? I find this to be the most confusing. On the one hand, you can date who you want because there is no commitment. Then you naturally start to spend more time with one person and the others start to fade out of the picture. I guess…. but… what if the person you are dating isn’t dating anyone else? Wont it hurt their feelings to find out you’re dating other people? More importantly, will it hurt my feelings to find out HE IS dating other people? I’m kinda fragile! What if more than one of the people you are dating starts to develop feelings? I’m not that good at breaking hearts! Well unless you tick me off.

2. As a woman, when should you start to contribute towards dates? I’ve gone out on a couple dates with the Traveler and he’s paid for them all, should I at least offer? I’m going to offer. It’s only right to offer. Will that start a trend? Will he expect me to always pay? I asked a male acquaintance when a woman should start to pay for dates, he said with him, never. Good answer!!

3. When do you start talking about where “this” is going? I’m no spring chicken. I don’t have six or more months to waste to find out; hey I don’t want anything serious. I’m trying to be a go with the flow type of girl, but I like to swim, it gets you there faster. Sometimes if you just go with the flow and drift with the current, you wind up someplace you don’t want to be. Then you have to take time to find your way back. I don’t have time for that! I also don’t want to be that girl who goes on a few good dates and wants to have your baby. That’s awkward! Sigh, this is so complex.

4. When should you bring someone around your family or friends? My brothers, well one in particular, seem to think it’s the same day I say hello. I can’t really trust them though; I think they just wanna make jokes and pester me! I don’t think I can have just anybody come over. That’s a lot of pressure! Maybe if someone successfully makes it to the six month point, I’ll bring them around.

Those are my most pressing questions. Help a girl out!!

 

NAO

Welcome to the Dirty 30!!

Happy Monday! Hope you caught the Super Bowl and Mrs. Carter’s fabulous performance. She shut it down!! Literally!!!

My team won! I adopted them upon arrival, purple is a pretty color 🙂

Today, I am welcoming my friend to the dirty thirty club!  What a tough age, you are no longer in your 20s and you are more than halfway to 50!! If you didn’t know you were an adult before; now you know! If you are still sleeping in the room that you grew up in and are holding on to the notion that you’re still finding yourself… better be found by 30! It’s so daunting… 30. As a woman if you don’t have kids, everyone makes you feel like you’re a ticking time bomb! Once my grandma asked me, what are you waiting for to be my age? No, grandma can I find a suitable mate first!

30 IS still young though, well according to people 30 and older lol. One of my other friends and I were trying to think of something crazy to do for the birthday girl. My role was mainly because she took part in making mine crazy…

Let me tell you…

My friends and my sister, unknown to me, hired a stripper for my birthday. Chocolate Thunder! Picture it… a young Wesley Snipes, with a low Gumby that had a bleached blonde bang. He came in claiming to be a cop (so cliché, should’ve been a cook) and I about lost it. I am an upstanding citizen and what the heck are you doing in my house. Are you off duty? You don’t look like any cop I’ve ever seen. Apparently I had him scured and confused. He looked at my sister very concerned and asked if he should dance. Her response, Heeelll yeah I paid you!

So the night gets funnier. I found out that he had locked his keys in the car!! My sister called AAA for him and was like, uhm my entertainment has locked his keys in the car. LMAO! Chocolate Thunder had stop his performance to get on the phone, AAA is not starting a policy for the “entertainment”! While he’s on the phone, the ladies and I are making dollar rings – his tip money- and taking photos of our hands trying to keep ourselves entertained. He gets off the phone and finishes his performance. AAA took about 45 minutes to arrive. So we just sat around, served him food, offered him wine, and quizzed him… Do you have a family? What brought you to this line of business? Were you nervous your first time? Do you have a day job? One of my friends was giving him wardrobe advice. You know, police men don’t wear… you look more like a pilot… maybe next time you should try… Hilarious!!

And to think, I invited my mom and was convincing her to come. I thought I was just having an innocent wine tasting. Revenge is coming ladies, lol.

Anyway happy birthday! 30 is not that bad, think of it as a new chapter. You may have gotten off this birthday, but there are many more to come! Can’t wait for the rewind!!

NAO

Sorry You Couldn’t Reach My Standards!

EcardWelcome to the weekend!!

I’m sipping wine and reflecting.

I was interested in a man this time last year who thought that my standards were too high. That interest did not last long, about three weeks actually. If you think my standards are too high, clearly you can’t reach them. My standards are not outrageous; I don’t require much. The problem was, he was accustomed to dating low expectation women.

What did I expect from him that he couldn’t meet?

1. Honesty.  Why do I only hear from you when you are in the car? Why do you always have something to carry when you get home that requires you to get off the phone? I KNOW WHY!! You live with a woman… sure enough he did.

2. Honesty again. Why is it that you badger me to answer every question you have, but when I have a question for you, your response is,” You’re worried about the wrong thing.” I KNOW WHY!! You’re a shady individual. Dishonest people don’t trust other people, because they think everyone is as dishonest as they are.

3. Still Honesty. Why do you claim you’ve heard something, knowing you haven’t heard anything, in an attempt to have me confess something? That’s just childish.

4. Last one, honesty. Why is the same woman calling over and over to make sure you’re ok because you have a headache? His response, “She’s just a friend.” Well you’ve got some pretty good friends because my friends don’t call me multiple times to see about my headache. The best advice they have is, take an Aleeve and feel better! I tell him that she must be interested in him. His response, “I can’t help how she feels.” Hhhmm whatever you say…

I’m actually getting aggravated just writing this!  So my point, honesty is not a high standard. It’s actually the bare minimum.  You can walk up to a complete stranger and ask a question and they will likely answer you honestly.

This man felt that I was too strong because I wouldn’t tolerate his crap. Ladies, if you stop tolerating crap, I won’t have to come across men like this who are used to women just putting up with it. We teach people how to treat us and we must command the utmost respect. It is not negotiable, if you can’t respect me, you don’t deserve my time.

If you are with someone who is giving you more headache then joy; it may be time to reevaluate. IJS

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